Real Housewives of New Jersey
In the Name of the Father

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Five Guys Named Joe

Now we meet Kathy and her husband, Rich, who have been married 19 years. Rich is the typical Italian boy except one catch: He's Lebanese. This initially caused some concern for Kathy's father until Kathy assured him that Rich is Christian. After all, that's where Jesus was born, she reminds us. Kathy says Rich, who is prone to wearing horn-rimmed glasses and shirts unbutton to his chest hair, is a kooky guy that people either love or hate. Rich tells us that his heart is sizzling for Kathy... "sizzzzzling."

Accompanied by zany music, Kathy rides her bike to the grocery store to pick up clams for her dinner with Rich. She thinks cooking is important because you're "touching someone on an intimate level," which is like feeding their soul. She makes small talk with the produce guy at the store about how many women are uncomfortable with vegetables, though her point seems to be lost on him -- as it is on me, I must admit. Who are these women who are afraid of vegetables? I need examples.

Kathy heads home to her 16-year-old daughter Victoria, who is a fan of the Glamour Shot, and Joseph (another one), who's 14 and has a penchant for knives. As 14-year-old boys do. Kathy squawks, "Why can't you collect stamps?" Victoria and Joseph have typical sibling rivalry, but they always come together at the end of the day. "That's what family's all about," says Kathy.

Manzo manse. Caroline assures us Sunday dinner as family will never end even though the boys are moving away. Tonight they're preparing a Southern feast, which doesn't come quite as easily as Italian fare. Chris steps in to help Lauren make a cobbler, though Caroline micromanages the whole process. Chris wonders if Southern people face the same issues when they try to make pasta, to which Albie basically replies, "You're an idiot for thinking Italians are the only ones who know how to make pasta." But Caroline takes Chris's side, saying that your average Arkansan probably opens a bottle of Ragu and calls it a day. The one exception she'll allow is Paula Deen. Known for her pastas, is that Paula.

Then we get a tutorial on Chris's obsession with Southern culture and his ridiculous attempt to cultivate a Cajun accent. Reminded of these quirks, Albie wonders aloud whether moving in his brother is a wise decision after all. Caroline humors her youngest son, saying Albie is more serious like his father whereas Chris has a spirit of whimsy like she does. To wit, Chris tells us he sometimes calls Caroline in the Cajun voice and leaves messages to the effect of "(Gibberish)... still alive... (gibberish)." Caroline takes Chris's nonsense as a good occasion to warn Albie that he needs to keep his younger brother in line. Albie all but says the task is impossible. Because Chris is a crazy moron. Chris mumbles something in his Cajun voice, which Caroline easily translates to, "We're going to move to Hoboken, and he's going to watch me." Albie shakes his head as they high five.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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