Real Housewives of New Jersey
In the Name of the Father

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Five Guys Named Joe

At this point, Jacqueline gets testy because Bratshley is much more receptive to Chris's advice than hers, so she makes a big scene of storming out of the lunch... and now we know where Bratshley gets it from. She tells them to come get her when they're finished with "their" conversation. She walks off, and Bratshley says that everything Jacqueline has to say is negative. Also known as reality. Chris tells her that Jacqueline is right, despite her delivery. He adds that Jacqueline only wants the best for Bratshley and doesn't get the respect she deserves. Jacqueline walks alone toward the Hudson River.

The next day, Teresa and Jacqueline take a walk in the park to hash out their family drama. Teresa, in a hat that exposes her forehead and reaffirms her decision to have bangs, acknowledges that people warned her things would change between her and her brother after he got married. She thinks everything used to be perfect (I'm so sure) and insists she wanted Melissa to be like a sister to her. When Melissa blew her off, she stopped trying. Jacqueline thinks Teresa should reach out to CMJ to hear his side of the story, but Teresa's dubious since CMJ has practically never said a positive word to her in her life. Lately there's been drama because CMJ hasn't shown up to a single one of Teresa's book signings because he thinks Teresa should personally invite Melissa.

Jacqueline acknowledges Teresa's had a lot going on in her life, and Teresa admits she didn't know about her family's bankruptcy until it was a done deal. She says, "I'm a pretty strong person, but I was scared shitless." She says she's being fiscally conservative. Which means no more insane parties. Boooooo! I can no longer abide by this bankruptcy if it means I will be deprived of Teresa's crazypants opulence. Teresa, as I'm sure she does about a million times a day into a Hello Kitty mirror, assures herself that she'll get through it and that "there's a light at the end of the tunnel... there has to be."

In stark contrast, now we get a proper introduction to Melissa Gorga, whose first words are, "I tend to be very spoiled. So what?" She says she's living the American dream, then crosses herself and says, "Thank you, Jesus." Yes, thank you Jesus for giving her that bangin' hot body and low enough self-esteem to be with a hideous man for his money. Melissa takes out one of her million sparkly dresses to get ready for a big event. She asks CMJ to lotion her legs, which he immediately takes as a come on. He gets all sorts of porny with her feet, then tells her he thinks he should lotion her butt cheeks because they're probably dry, too. Well if this is marriage, then sign me up! Melissa, who's been married to Joe for six years, says, "Joe is not only hot, but he is one of the best developers in Jersey."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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