Real Housewives of New Jersey
Hot Tub of Sour Grapes

Episode Report Card
Potes: C+ | Grade It Now!
Toast and Jam

With the full complement of Gorgas (and Greg) in the hot tub, everyone starts saying how this trip felt like old times. But then Kathy turns to Teresa and says that she doesn't want to be there with unresolved feelings. What she DOES want, I think, is screen time. Juicy leaves, saying that he has to go take a piss. We know this is a lie, because he clearly already peed in the hot tub. Melissa also hightails it out of there. And so we are left with Teresa and Kathy in the hot tub alone, talking about whatever their millions of grudges are as everyone looks on. I really hope that they are in the hot tub so much longer than the recommended time that they overheat and pass out, and then we'd get to see if anyone would actually save Teresa. Maybe a cameraman, eventually. Albie thinks that Teresa looks deflated, but Caroline thinks that she looks full of shit, per usual.

Kathy explains how she felt left out during the trip, and Teresa says that she's trying to make things better with her brother and with Jacqueline, and can only do so much. And then for absolutely no reason Kathy brings up Teresa's rift with Caroline, which Teresa says is not her fault. As you likely assumed, Caroline is totally looking on with a suspicious scowl. Apparently everyone can hear what the two of them are talking about. Anyway, Kathy is a great defender of Caroline, and Teresa holds the line that she never did anything to Caroline, and that incudes the cookbook. And THEN Teresa brings up Dina, who also has a rift with Caroline (and, as you know if you are a viewer of Watch What Happens Live, has a new hairless cat!). So, Caroline can hear every word of this, but says she's not going to go get involved because if she does, she'll throw Teresa off the roof. OMG, DO IT. Glimmer of hope! Anyway, Teresa likes the new friends that she has, or something. Caroline's opinion on this whole thing is that Teresa is a crazy bitch, and Kathy shouldn't even bother trying to use reason or referencing human emotion when conversing with such a monumental dumb-ass. Teresa says that she wants to move forward with Caroline, but Caroline doesn't, and in fact doesn't give two shits. I think that's a fair enough assessment.

At the point when Teresa says that Caroline looks down at her whenever she speaks, Caroline has finally had enough. But instead of grabbing Teresa by her hair and throwing her off of the roof, as promised, she just adjusts her position on the couch. She does it in a very angry way, though. Grrrrrrr! Meanwhile, the men are just drinking and smoking cigars and probably occasionally making hen-clucking noises. Teresa and Kathy get out of the hot tub, and Caroline tells Kathy appreciatively that she didn't have to launch a defense on her behalf. And that's because she hates Teresa, and will never stop hating her. She says that whenever she looks at Teresa, she sees an ugly human being. Personally, I think that's because of the overtanning. What really burns Caroline's biscuits is that Teresa is a total hag, then puts on her fake smile and tells everyone that she loves them. Jacqueline tells us that Caroline can hate Teresa all she wants, but she'd appreciate it if everyone would just leave her out of it. Melissa is starting to see that Caroline is a bit of a psycho when it comes to Teresa, and interviews that she should just drop it and move on. But then there wouldn't even be a show anymore! Could you imagine if anyone in the Real Housewives franchise invested in the concept of bygones?

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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