Real Housewives of New Jersey
Horse Whisper to a Scream

Episode Report Card
Potes: A+ | 16 USERS: A-
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Wyatt Explains It All

Chris and Jacqueline talk about the experience, and he asks why she was crying. Jacqueline says she was afraid that the horse would hurt her, which is akin to "tendons" as a response. Chris wonders if there's something deeper, emotionally. He wonders if Teresa is a metaphorical kicking horse in her life. He thinks that Jacqueline cares about Teresa and wants a deeper connection, and yet is afraid to get close. Well, just try squeezing her calf and see what happens. Chris encourages Jacqueline to try and find out if Teresa is a real friend, saying that like a horse she'll sense if Jacqueline is open and will reciprocate. If not, Jacqueline has got the wrong horse.

We then get an interlude involving the gang, Wyatt, and the horse's penis. Wyatt notes that he's never seen so many dick-focused people in his life and Rosie actually says, "Stick around." I would love to read what Wyatt wrote in his diary the night after this particular therapy session.

Then it's evening, and Juicy is in the hot tub and comparing himself to macaroni. Teresa comes out in her chuckalina full of sparkles swimsuit, which Juicy either likes or is disgusted by, or maybe a little of both. He says that he's had so much therapy, he won't need therapy for the rest of his life. Riiiiiiight. He says that he could care less about picking up a horse's foot, but he did it, but also the horse was maybe psychic. At least I think that's what he's talking about? Teresa says it was big of Juicy to talk about his fear in front of everyone. He admits that it's always there, and he was relieved to let it out. He says he's not a criminal and never killed anybody, and doesn't belong in prison, and doesn't want to go to prison. They'll see what happens he says, and when it's over it's over. Except for when the federal indictment comes rolling in! Juicy and Teresa think that it's in God's hands. Maybe He can be swayed with a few Sizzle Tans discount coupons? Juicy says that the last thing he wants is to be away from Teresa and the kids, especially the kids, since they keep him going every day. Everything else is bullshit, he says. Teresa lays it on a little thick as she says that Juicy is an amazing man and father, adding that they're a team and will get through this together, in matching orange jumpsuits. The scene ends with a touching, "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Oh boy, and then it's time for some Native American drumming. Tony Redhouse is their guide, and says that Native Americans sing meaningful things from deep within and drumming is a strong force. Kathy asks if he's Navajo, which he is. Tony starts them with a drum heartbeat, and pretty much everyone looks absolutely over it. When they're done drumming, Joe asks how everyone is liking the vacation. Teresa says she doesn't want to cry anymore, while someone pipes in, "I liked the cowboy today." Cowboys and Indians therapy tour!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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