Real Housewives of New Jersey
Horse Whisper to a Scream

Episode Report Card
Potes: A+ | 16 USERS: A-
Wyatt Explains It All

Caroline is really into this exercise, for energy reasons and equine reasons. Richie seems less so, saying aloud that Wyatt is a genius for getting people to come and pay to clean his horses. Wyatt gives him major stinkeye and probably gives the horse a secret signal for a kick in the nuts. Jacqueline says apologetically that Rich is a smart ass and Wyatt doesn't miss a beat in saying, "That's all right. That's how he gets through life. He creates jokes so he don't have to pay attention to what he feels." OOOOOH, BURRRRRRRNNNN! So, Wyatt is my hero, and I decree that in the movie version of this episode he'll be played by Kris Kristofferson. Rosie tells us it's apparent that Wyatt pulls no punches and takes no bullshit. She's a little nervous. Frankly, I don't think she's the one who needs to worry.

Rosie volunteers to go next, and Wyatt asks what her story is. She tries to claim that she has no story, but of course she does, and Wyatt asks what she's thinking and feeling. Rosie admits to being uncomfortable and anxious, and Wyatt asks what the worst thing is that could happen. When Rosie says the horse might not lift his leg, Wyatt asks what that might say about her. She's worried that she might have the touch, and Wyatt wonders if she thinks that means she's not good enough. Rosie twitches her mouth a lot and gets a little teary, and Wyatt asks her to let the emotion come out. She cries as she says that most of the time she doesn't feel good enough, and has felt like that for most of her life. Wyatt wants her to acknowledge that she always has been good enough, and says that the horse doesn't care what her title is or whether she's awkward trying to pick up girls at bars. He guesses that the horse will magically pick up on her honesty and cooperate. Rosie interviews that she comes from a big Italian family where everyone gets married and has kids, and she wonders if she isn't worthy of a little happiness. Can someone out there please go be Rosie's girlfriend? Just forget about the familial context. Maybe try long-distance? She seems like she'd be a delightful partner and very attentive. Anyway, the horse totally lets Rosie clean its hoof no problem, and she gets a big smile that is pleasing to Wyatt.

Melissa is next up, and says she's anxious. Wyatt asks what the worst thing that could happen is and Melissa goes, "Pees on me?" I don't think Wyatt is charmed by her short shorts and fedora one little bit. Melissa sort of curtsies in front of the horse and goes to grab its foreleg. Nothing happens. Wyatt asks, "What are you feeling?" Melissa says, "Tendons." And then I actually die from laughter. But wait! It gets better! Melissa reapproaches the horse, saying she's doing her "Rosie walk." Rosie mutters, "That ain't my walk." And then Wyatt pipes in to say, "That's that whore-on-a-stroll walk." I SHIT YOU NOT! Wyatt just read her to filth, you guys. Juicy thinks it's quite amusing, and he's right.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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