Real Housewives of New Jersey

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: A- | Grade It Now!
Ain't No Party Like a Christening Party

Previously... well, actually, I'll let Angel Cohn sum that up for us, because when I volunteered to fill in for LuluBates, I told her I've missed the past couple episodes. Her response? "You probably haven't missed all that much... Danielle starts fights and is basically Dina Lohan." See how much shorter these recaps (not to mention the episodes) could be if they just cut to the chase? Unfortunately for all of us, though, there's a little more to it than that, so here we go.

Teresa and Joe are planning Audriana's christening party, with the help of Caroline's son, Christopher. Teresa wants ice sculptures and a "mini-wedding," but Joe's stressed about money. Because he just spent his entire year's worth of party costs on a ring for Teresa. Caroline explains that Christopher wants to show his dad he can handle a big, crazy party like this, but it will be a challenge. It's also a challenge for Teresa, who's bitter that Dina (Audriana's godmother) can't be on the show to help her plan this in front of the cameras. Which is odd, because you'd think she'd be happy to finally get to do something without cameras in her face.

Danielle takes her Christine to her first ob/gyn appointment. In the waiting room, she grills her about boys, but Christine takes the fifth and just says, "Stop. Stop. Mom." Danielle begs her to tell her she's a goody two-shoes, but Christine just wants her to "stop creeping." The receptionist seems to think Danielle's creeping, too, so they call them in to talk to the doctor. He's Danielle's doctor, too, and they actually greet with a kiss, which is gross. I would like to put it on the record that I have never kissed my ob/gyn. While the doctor makes everyone feel awkward by talking about sex and genital warts, Danielle interjects to say "Just don't have sex. Ever. Now that I think about it, it's gross." And, also, oral sex counts. Christine taps her mom, all, "You're the slut here." But Danielle just begs her not to have sex. What a realistic expectation for her to have.

Christopher's hanging out with his friend, John, who happens to be Kim G.'s son. Kim G. brings popcorn down to butter him up and then talks about how much she wants his mother to like her. Christopher doesn't think that's really going to happen. But mostly he just doesn't care and wants her to go away and let him play with his friend. So he offers for the four of them to have lunch together, an idea John clearly doesn't like. Christopher explains later that Kim G. thinks she's an ambassador. But what he meant to say was "busybody."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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