Real Housewives of New Jersey
Child's Play No More

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!

Over at Chez Gorga, the SoulDiggaz arrive to start recording with Melissa. She says she hopes "On Display" becomes a huge hit so she can repay Joe (with something other than sex, presumably) for installing the studio in their home. Joe joins as the guys settle in, and there's lots of uncomfortable joking about "once you go black..." Eventually, they get to recording. Melissa finds it challenging to stay on tune and rhythm. I believe the word used was "crazy." After a couple of takes, she gets on track and thanks Jesus.

Elsewhere, Jacqueline, Caroline, the Manzo kids, and Greg head to the kickboxing center to help Lauren stick to her New Year's resolution to lose weight. Let's just say kickboxing is not Caroline's forte, and Lauren is a grumpy exerciser. That is, until she gets a gander at Greg's balls. That seems to cheer up everyone (except Greg).

The next day, all four of Bratshley's parents are waiting for the guest of dishonor. They clink their bloody Marys... to a successful intervention? Perhaps not the greatest strategery, guys. Jacqueline asks Matt if Bratz talked to him about her supposed move to California. He says he got a text that said, "I'm going to California. Are you going to pay for it or not?" Needless to say, he was not pleased. He seriously doubts her ability to succeed as a student in California when she couldn't even hack it at community college in Jersey this past year. He says that Bratshley changes her plans with the weather and has never displayed any real follow-through. He and Jacqueline agree that she expects everything from life but isn't willing to put anything back in. Picking up on the growing hostility, Chris ludicrously jokes that they should all take Bratz into a room and toss her around until she's positively pummeled. At least I think he's joking, judging by the smile on his and everyone else's face. Could just be evil glee.

After about half an hour of waiting, Bratz finally arrives, "looking like Lindsay Lohan" according to Jacqueline. The adults immediately pounce on her and ask her impossibly vague, somewhat patronizing questions about her plans for the future and what she wants to be when she "grows up." She pulls another idea out of her ass, saying she loves makeup and wants to go to cosmetology school in California. She sells it to her parents like, "Oh, what a lark this will be!" Sheesh. That is so obviously not what they're looking for.

Chris wonders where she's going to get the money to move to California. She claims she has savings that can go toward housing and only needs money for school. He immediately questions the veracity of that statement. Bratz claims she's working, but Chris says she parties all night and sleeps in all day. Bratshley looks down all hangdog and tries to figure out exactly when to pull out the victim tears. Matt steps in to assure her that they all love her but also to tell her to get it together. Chris says he's going to support her if she truly figures out what she wants to do. She rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated puff of breath.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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