Real Housewives of New Jersey
Child's Play No More

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!

Previously: Teresa and Melissa vaulted live grenades back and forth, conversationally speaking. Lauren had body image issues. Bratshley had underage drinking issues. Kathy's daughter Victoria had underage mingling issues.

It's 2011 at the Giudice house as the whole family gathers around for a meal. Teresa promises that, even though 2010 was an ongoing train wreck, 2011 will be amazing. "To me the best things in life are good food, good sex, and amazing friends and family." To which I say Hell Yes, Hurl, Indeed, and True. Teresa makes a toast to her family members and thanks them for passing along their recipes for her upcoming book Fabulicious. Turns out this impromptu dinner party is actually a shoot for her cookbook. Gabriella is looking characteristically sour. Her "Bishpleez" face may be emerging as my favorite internal commentary on the show. Teresa says it's important for her to document what an amazing family she has. As such, Milania starts crying like a maniac and won't stop until the crew takes a break. Out of the mouths of babes...

A bit later, they're shooting the cover with Teresa, her mom, and Gia. Teresa says it's incredibly important that this book does better than her last. She thinks her "real"-ness will pull her through. Gia's stankness might not be a benefit, though. Home girl is like sulking like it's her job. Throw some fishnet tights, hooker heels, and a blonde wig on, and you've got Taylor Momsen.

Elsewhere, Kathy and Rich are marveling over how quickly Victoria is growing up. She has a formal coming up and presumably a date to said formal. Kathy thinks it's time for "the talk." Rich's response: "She's only 16!" Only? It's too late, guys. She probably knows more about this stuff than you do. Rich wants to think of her as his little girl, but Kathy knows better. She says Victoria inherited "the party gene" and that there are boys (and apparently men who know the Manzos) who'll have certain expectations. Rich argues that, if Victoria ever wants to "do that," she'll automatically imagine his face over the guy she's "doing that" with, and it'll be a total ladyboner killer. Well, I can't argue with at least a little of that logic. Rich can't even say the word "sex" in his interview in regard to Victoria. He has to spell it out. It is funny when he tells Kathy to take a "Before" shot of Victoria in advance of "the talk" so they can document the trauma they put her through.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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