Real Housewives of New Jersey
Children of the Scorned

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 11 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Trimming the Fat

Back in Jersey, Caroline guesses that C.J. has strep and will feel better after talking to Jacqueline. Or maybe not, since back in L.A. Jacqueline's dad gets the lowdown on what a tummy tuck entails and then warns her that her tits will be up to her neck if she's not careful. Maybe getting rid of the neck fat is to make room? Jacqueline's parents and Ashle(e)(y) are all worried about the surgery, and think Jacqueline's crazy, but because she actually IS crazy she just laughs it off and has more tequila.

And then we're on the operating table. While Jacqueline is unconscious, we hear Dr. Moelleken saying, "I hope she doesn't expect ALL this fat to be gone. You know, we get this on 60 year olds." So, awesome. Every woman's dream. I'm sure that will do wonders for her confidence. And then he talks about how Ashle(e)(y)'s neck is like a Greek sculpture, and that she's 22 and hot and she knows it. So, Jacqueline flew all the way across the country to get the fat sucked out of her by a giant creep who wants to bone her daughter. Victory for humanity. Man, just when you thought this show couldn't get more depressing. Ashle(e)(y) then talks to her grandparents about how worrisome the surgery actually is. Oh Jesus, and then we get to see Jacqueline's fucking FATTY SKIN from her belly on the operating table, cut in little triangles like it's scraps from Buffalo Bill's latest patchwork project. The skin with her tattoo has been cut off, which I guess she pre-approved. And, Jesus. I don't watch Discovery Health for a reason. Not cool, Bravo! Not cool.

Jacqueline's parents call Chris and let him know that the surgery is taking a little longer than expected, which of course worries him. But then Dr. Creepazoid comes in to say that everything went quite well and they can visit Jacqueline in recovery. Jacqueline then gets to say hi to Chris on the phone, and quite accurately says that she looks like a turtle and a Q-tip. Why do people do this? I mean, that is some gruesome shit. Ashle(e)(y) hopes that this will be her mom's last surgery, which is a hope that will assuredly be dashed.

Next week: Cannoli drama. Marriage proposal denial drama. Jacqueline's new neck drama. Melissa cheating rumors drama. And finally, "Is that blonde hag Kim G.?" drama.

Potes hopes that she lives to see this season's reunion episodes, but is doubtful. To send a message of hope please tweet @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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