Real Housewives of New Jersey
Children of the Scorned

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 11 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Trimming the Fat

Oh God, and then there's a BLK meeting with Chris, Christopher and Albie. They talk a little bit about Chris's reconciliation with Juicy, and then discuss some potential deal with an upscale spin class. They have an office now, and likely have made tens of dollars from the throngs of people wanting to drink water the color of coal runoff. Chris worries that Little Big Town is going to pull focus from the stellar business opportunity that is BLK, and then there are a lot of wife/mistress metaphors that make the situation grodier.

We cut to the younger Giudice girls and Teresa, who are running around and shooting each other with toy ping pong ball guns. Gia has some friends over who wonder what all the racket is about. Gia cakes on some eye makeup and says she has very dysfunctional sisters. Very dysfunctional everything, some would argue. Her friends ask about her forthcoming plans with Tio Joe, and all about the family feud and whatnot. Gia explains that they're going go-karting, and that she hasn't had one on one time with her uncle since she was five. Teresa eavesdrops for a while, then shoots at Gia with the ping pong ball guns. You know, sometimes, despite it all, I think that Teresa and Juicy would be pretty fun parents. Until they went to jail and orphaned you.

And then we're at the lingerie store with Kathy and Jacqueline, who are talking about Jacqueline's peacemaking with Teresa. It turns out that Teresa is having a charity Zumba event. Of course she is. Does Kathy have to go in her bra? What does this have to do with the price of bras in Franklin Lakes? What is the purpose of their lingerie shopping? Jacqueline then chooses a button down pajama set, and tells Kathy she's going to get a tummy tuck. In Beverly Hills. Kathy is excited for her, since now she'll have company on the slippery slope.

Chris's official stance on the tummy tuck is that Jacqueline doesn't need it, but that if it makes her feel better she should go for it. Jacqueline then tells Kathy that she's also going to get her neck done, because officially she is a crazy person. Even Kathy is like, "Come on, dude." She says that no one ever sees how your neck skin hangs, and Jacqueline asks if she ever rides her husband. In that statement there are so many visuals that I did not need imprinted in my brain. And yet, they pale in comparison to the fatty flesh triangles that are to come. Consider that a spoiler alert AND a warning.

Back at the Giudice house, ping pong ball wars continue as Joe Gorga arrives. He's excited to spend time with Gia, and tells us that prior to the feud they used to spend a ton of time together. He even held her when she was a baby, as evidenced by photos. He wants to learn who she is, and who she's grown up to be. Gia comes down the stairs looking too cool for school, and as she and Joe leave Milania and Gabriela break the chandelier. I imagine there is a crash somewhere in that house about every three hours.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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