Real Housewives of New Jersey
A Manzo of Her Word

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 2 USERS: A+
Rosie Explains It All

Oh God, and then we are "treated" to a scene with freaking Kim D. She's walking with Teresa near the hospital where Nono is interred, looking like a netherworld troll per usual. Coincidentally, Teresa gets a text from Caroline just then, asking to get together. A small earthquake seizes the East Coast at even the suggestion of this meeting of the minds. If you'll recall, Teresa and Caroline hate each other. Also, this is none of Caroline's business. Kim D. weighs in, and nobody freaking cares. But Kim has been loyal to Teresa through her feuding with everyone else, and so I'm guessing we'll be forced to see her withered hag face periodically during the season.

Back at the Manzo home for wayward children, Lauren is pretending that she has a job and doesn't just sit in her bedroom applying lip gloss all day, but we know the truth. Caroline would like Lauren to do her makeup for her upcoming brunch with Teresa, which she says came about because Joe asked her to talk to Tre. So... I thought she offered? Hmmm. But that's her story, and she's sticking to it (very much unlike how she sticks to her own business). In any case, Caroline says that Joe wants some sort of peace to be made largely for the sake of the kids and for the very elder Gorgas. Lauren takes this time to badmouth Teresa's kids, which is RICH. Caroline thinks that Teresa spends too much time around people who fuel the fire (especially now that she's basically lost all of her friends), and that Caroline's meeting with her is Joe's final Hail Mary. And seriously, can Caroline not muster up some sort of plotline of her own?

HAHAHAHAH, and then we're at the Giudice house, where Juicy is looking through a magnifying glass at some sort of mysterious "paperwork." He's all, "The letters are so small!" which I see as a cry for help regarding the fact that he's functionally illiterate. A bunch of empty binders are strewn about on Juicy's desk, to give us the impression that he's SO busy. Business is booming! Teresa tells Juicy about the meeting with Caroline, and he's skeptical. And then we flash to Lauren doing Caroline's makeup for the meeting. She's making Caroline look like an actual corpse, for extra gravitas. "I am the ghost of Gorgas future!" We flash back to Teresa and Caroline's big blowout last season, and then Joe tells Teresa to wear a wreath of garlic to ward off evil spirits. Not a bad plan! This leads Teresa to relay a charming Italian superstition about how when a woman had their periods, men would never want to drink red wine around them in case the women slipped some blood in there and put them under a trance. This is a thing that actually was said on this show! Teresa wonders if Melissa used this sorcery on Joe. Even Juicy is like, "...Uh."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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