Ray Donovan
The Bag Or The Bat

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 38 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Solution

WALPOLE MASS

Mickey gets out of jail, is driven to a priest's cell, shoots the priest in the head. "How's it feel, you cocksucker? You like it?" One wonders if perhaps there is a story there.

CALABASAS

"Hooray for Hollywood" by Doris Day fades into any old rap music, which rouses Ray's wife Abby faster than it does Ray himself. Soon enough, he receives a call: Sports hero Deonte has awakened in bed with a dead girl, dry nosebleed like she just discovered dubstep.

Deonte: "I'm at the Caveat and I got a strange female in the bed with me..."
Ray: "Did you kill her?"
Deonte: "I didn't even fuck her! She was doing blow all night."

This is why I don't do anything or ever have any fun. The stakes are simply too high. Ray walks a terrified and squeamish Deonte through confirming that she isn't breathing, and right away you get a sense of both his patience with his clients and the roiling disgust he feels at all times about pretty much everything. Deonte says words like "dawg," a lot, because that's the kind of show this is.

Deonte: "I don't even know her, man! I met her last night. I don't do drugs! I'm an athlete!"
Ray: "Listen to me. Don't touch anything. Don't call anyone."
Deonte: "I just signed an $80M endorsement! TMZ was following me last night..."

He finally gets off the phone and calls Avi -- "Get over there and hold his hand and see what's what" -- and Lena, who is played by Katherine Moennig, who is like if sex were a person.

Ray: "Lena honey, get over to the office now. Deonte Brown's at the Caveat with a dead girl."
Lena: "Hate it when that happens."

DOWNSTAIRS

Bridget is wearing normal teen girl clothes, but Abby thinks it is too much. Abby wants her to go to Marlborough or Harvard-Westlake, so dressing like a Calabasas girl is not acceptable: You dress for the prep school you want, not the public school where you go.

Abby: "And in other news, she needs to assemble a family tree and interview everybody, including Bunchy and Terry."
Bridget: "Why didn't they have kids?"
Abby: "Well, Terry's got Parkinson's..."
Conor: "-- Does that mean we'll get it?"
Abby: "He may have gotten it from boxing, so no boxing."
Bridget: "And then Bunchy got raped, so."
Conor: "Wait, what?"
Bridget: "Touched up by a priest. It's why Dad's so obsessed with protecting our privates."

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Ray Donovan

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