Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: A
Okay What Is This Tonight
Miranda: "I died a virgin. It bums me out. The guy I'm in love with, I could have sex with, if he was dead. Which he isn't, and he doesn't love me back. So it's on my mind."
Olivia: "Well, if it helps, so am I. Which reminds me, I should go. Have sex, I mean. So I don't die like you and be a virgin forever like you."

Caleb: "Man, I can't stop thinking about this Preacher, rather than my various dead and alive girlfriends and past-life girlfriends."
Luke: "Did you by any chance bone while you were both dead?"
Caleb: "What on Earth made you ask that? Oh, never mind. No, we didn't bone. We barely even kissed!"
Luke: "...There it is."

Olivia: "I mean, what the fuck with this orchid. Right? Right? Like what is he, my new dad? My new vampire dad?"
Miranda: "Speaking of you, let's talk about me."
Olivia: "Okay, those jars. Let's find the jars and then... I can show them to my mother! No way will she date a hair-jarrer. She wouldn't even let dad do fantasy football!"
Miranda: "That didn't sound like talking about me, but I agree we should team up. Let me go try and haunt The Grunwald again real fast."

She does. It does not fucking go well. Right at the moment The Grunwald has had enough of her shit, a warm golden mist of hellfire comes all up in Miranda's life, laying her out on the rug and burning her ghostly flesh. Then The Grunwald comes back into the room, like she didn't know that was going to happen.

Miranda: "So that sucked. I felt like a tuna steak."
Olivia: "Maybe it's another jar ghost that feels differently about the jars."
Miranda: "Maybe it was The Grunwald. Sheer creepiness, expressed as heat."
Olivia: "If it stopped when she came back in, maybe it's a spirit. A servitor or egregore or good old-fashioned monster familiar. Cat that becomes heat waves or some shit."
Miranda: "Uh yeah, maybe that. Or maybe she is just an old weird bitch."

Mom: "Hang onto that haunted necklace before we do this. That's probably a good idea. Now, fall asleep and dream, but lucidly."


Olivia: "Mrs. Grunwald, how lovely to see you among the living."
Grunwald: "Olivia, lovely. How's your mother?"
Olivia: "Ask that grown man you babysit. That motherfucker won't leave her alone."

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