Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 20 USERS: A
Okay What Is This Tonight
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


I never really did have a handle on the Ravenswood situation so I am grateful that, coming back and paired with PLL, they gifted us with a little Caleb River voiceover about what the hell is going on with this show. Are you ready for some info? Like, did you know:

- In 1917 the Ravenswood Town Elders signed a secret Pact
- Since then, no soldier from Ravenswood has ever died in active combat
- But the price for this ongoing miracle is that for every war, five teens must die

- Such as Original Miranda and Caleb, who were teens who died
- And maybe were reincarnated thanks to Thomas & Esther's suicide entombment
- Which maybe also means they can do a curse-reverse and reverse this Curse

- And also a jar of a ghost's hair will keep it on your property
- But if they break that jar and leave, they might get tricked by fake moms
- This is the first time that happened also

Did you know those things? I didn't know any of those things. Literally my job to know those things, missed 'em all. Kind of intuitively felt that some of them were true? But like, I wouldn't have placed a five-dollar bet on any of them being true for sure.


Caleb and Miranda were knockin' boots, old-timey style, when they heard a strange music and went to investigate. Lo but there was a weird cabin and night was falling, and they did see all manner of conveyances parked outside of it. "That's my father's automobile!" Caleb said, gamely method-acting by saying the word super-weird, as a nod to the era, as though he had never before said that word because of it just being invented. "And that is my mother's horseomobile!" Miranda agreed. Inside yon cabin, all kinds of shit was going down.

Preacher: "Let's sing a song on page 36 of your hymnbook before the Nathaniel Hawthorn business begins in earnest..."
Esther: "This isn't right! No hymns, no devil's bargains!"
Menfolk: "Esther, this is man's business! Take several seats!"
Esther: "But it is about children! Specifically five of them, teens, or what we call in the old times 'middle-aged.'"
Menfolk: "Moms are stupid. Stupidly trying to not sacrifice children to the Elder Gods."
Esther: "Moms can't help it! War is dumber than moms!"
Preacher: "It is true that war is a beast. It consumes the young. I offer a way to save mothers' tender hearts. Except for five of them."

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