Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 27 USERS: A-
We Have Always Lived In The Mortuary
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Last night, Caleb came to Ravenswood to save Hanna and her sisters from a gas-masked monster -- but by the time he showed up, shit was mostly over, so then she asked him to just ... not come home. Ever. They love each other a whole lot and they sure are cute together, but this rando Miranda they'd just met really plucked ol' Hanna's heartstrings, for some reason. Or maybe it was the freaky-deaky tombstones in the graveyard where Ravenswood likes to hold their parties, which seem to be mostly for kids. Two of those kids? Miranda and Caleb. So either they're dead and don't know it, or they are clones, or the whole thing is a Vampire Diaries-style meditation on our shared legacy after the American Reconstruction, or maybe just war generally. Whatever turns out to be going on, I guess it's good thing he stuck around or he would have no idea he was a dead person!


Miranda: "I can't believe we've been standing here all night!"
Caleb: "I guess I just need time to process."
Miranda: "But why?"
Caleb: "Why am I dead? Or why am I alive?"
Miranda: "No, why are we still standing here?"

Caleb: "I just wish this town had a website. I bet these are Questions that are Frequently Asked."
Miranda: "Maybe it's just coincidence that we're both randomly here and randomly dead."
Caleb: "I am from Rosewood, where everything except The Grunwald has a rational explanation. There may be the occasional hyperadrenalized superstate, there are digital simulacrum environments and metric tons of snakes out of nowhere, and Spencer Hastings exists there, but at least there's not actual ghost-magic."
Miranda: "You're a Man of Science and you'll be dead by tomorrow."
Caleb: "That may be. Right now I just want breakfast."
Miranda: "Fine. Let's go hassle my uncle. I'm sure he's a totally normal guy."

"I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it," the old saying goes. And it's true, for what it's worth. But in Ravenswood, where there are no colors, what you risk missing is shit like raven weathervanes winging to follow you down the street despite the lack of a breeze, or random statues bleeding from the eyes at you.

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