I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 47 USERS: B
Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter's Undead

I can taste it.

Olivia: "Cop, what is going on with my mom?"
Clark: "Secret stuff. They've done tests on the knife but the full report is out."
Olivia: "Tell me more things you shouldn't be telling me."
Clark: "Your mom's alibi doesn't check out."
Olivia: "Thanks, this was really upsetting and unhelpful."

Tess: "Where ya going? I'm still drinking my Nancy Botwin iced latte."
Olivia: "Where I am going is, to shake down Springer. It has come to my attention that he has the answers I seek, based on how he kept trying to tell me them."

Tess chases her out of the Vault and it is adorable, she makes this squeaky noise and it's so great. I am really coming to love both of those girls. I like how Olivia is like, always so hardcore about doing things, but never has any idea how to do them. I feel that.


Collins: "Uh, I am totally reading this ancient tome. Why are you throwing around tiny jars of hair?"
Caleb: "Are you saying you don't recognize this jar of hair?"
Collins: "For sure that is what I'm saying."
Caleb: "I will take this hair out of this jar, I swear to God."
Miranda: "He ain't blinkin'."
Caleb: "If anything happens to anyone that I love... If you touch one hair on their heads..."
Collins: "I don't respond to idle threats. I've seen more than you could possibly imagine, and I don't blink easily."

Miranda poltergeists suddenly, and a vase explodes. Nobody reacts, because nobody ever reacts to that shit on this show. But I guess Collins flinched just enough that Caleb considers this a victory: Like now Miranda is his personal Beatrice (hmm) that will be scaring his enemies through unseen force. Here's how that should have gone:

Caleb: "I don't have all the answers, but I don't like how you're controlling the activities of my dead friend without explaining it. Please stop doing weird stuff to us, if you can at all help it. Also, thank you for letting me live here rent free and giving me a car, even though I am a complete stranger to you, because I am just a teenager with no job experience. You are a pretty good guy from what I can tell. Ya jerk!"

When they get back to the carriage house, somebody -- Beatrice maybe, based on the burning smell and the smoke in the room -- has scrawled fire-words on the wall behind a vanity: UNSEEN FORCES! Those two, those optimistic twinsies, immediately assume that Beatrice has overheard their confrontation with Collins -- which only barely relates to her at all, really -- and now wants to help them. But in that way she has of not bothering to assume her human form that can have conversations, because why bother.

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