Home Is Where The Heart Is… (Seriously, Check The Floorboards)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 39 USERS: C+
Bea's In The Trap
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Five Teens. War Curse. Hair Jar. Heat Miser Glowing Ghost Guardian. Sleepwalker Time Travel. A Preacher Guy Exploding into Ravens. What else? Mean Drunk Teen Groundskeeper Springer, who hates the Matheson Twins and dated Tess for a while, got fired and that's how come Caleb randomly has a home and a job and a Jeep. Uncle Collins is possibly putting it to the Twins' mom, Emmett Cullen-style, and the whole town thinks she killed her husband except her kids, who think Collins did it. Olivia's boyfriend Dillon has great hair, an adorable and freaky demonic sidekick, and owes his allegiance to, I believe, the Preacher mentioned above.

Previous to the whole show, Caleb was an orphan, but one of those special kind where he had a mom and dad. Mom lives in a castle in California, Dad was framed for stealing a churchbell. Now he lives in the woods.


Luke: "Why is everybody in the kitchen in the middle of the night? I mean, I was fighting scarecrows from time-travel dreams, but that can't be your excuse."
Mom: "I was just having midnight coffee with Mr. Collins here. We had business..."
Luke: "-- Uh, tomorrow morning business? Like um, all business?"
Mom: "No like clearly I am very drunk. Don't come at me all crazy."

Olivia: "Why is everybody in the kitchen in the middle of the night? I was losing my virginity to a hottie with the hair of a blonde god while a little girl watched and ate ice cream from Hell, but that can't..."
Luke: "Screw this. We're gonna debrief and go to bed. Uncle Collins, go home. Now."


Olivia: "...Wait, so the scarecrow was real?"
Luke: "Yeah, he was mad because Remy was dreaming so hard."
Olivia: "And then the man exploded into ravens?"
Luke: "But only after he handed off the Pact to somebody in a coach belonging to Mr. Collins's ancestor's funeral home. Or possibly Mr. Collins, if he is a vampire in reality and was alive back then."
Olivia: "So the Pact belongs in some way to the guy who wants to be our new daddy? No. Fuck that. I didn't chill with our dead dad's dead girlfriend's skinless ghost just so we could end up with a stepfather trying to turn us all into Miranda. That chick's more of a downer than you are."


Dad: "Go to bed, Remy. Stop being studious and/or terrified of going to sleep."

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