Queer as Folk U.S.
Very Stupid People

Episode Report Card
Camper: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Is Everyone Sharing A Brain?

The once and future home of Mike and Emmett. Don't you worry, he'll be back. Emmett's packing up all of his sex-related paraphenalia. Do I have the energy to go through the porn titles? Ah, what the hell: Shaving Ryan's Privates, Good Dick Hunting, As Big as it Gets, and Fatal Erection. He also throws in a sterling silver cock ring (which looks a little too big for its purpose, but what do I know?). Mike and Ted walk in. Mike came by to pick up the mail, and Ted came by to ask whether Emmett wanted to go get something to eat. Ted sees the box filled with sex-related paraphernalia and asks what he's doing. Emmett smiles, "Spring cleaning." Mike tells him it's December. Em says that he's donating some things to the homeless. Ted pulls out a double-headed dildo and snarks, "Well, you are going to make some lucky bag lady very happy." Emmett gives up and replies, "All right, well, I might as well be straight with you." Mike and Ted snort. Emmett says it's not impossible: "I know that you guys are my friends, and that you'll support me in whatever it is I choose to do." Ted snarks, "Weren't we there to cheer you on when you painted your toenails magenta?" Emmett grimaces, and continues, "I've decided that I need to explore the part of me that isn't gay." Ted replies, "And what part, pray tell, would that be?" Which is what I was going to say. I've also found that it's much more satisfying to merely crush the cans in my hand than throw them at the screen. Emmett tells them that he joined "See the Light." Mike and Ted are not thrilled. Emmett adds that he's trying to find his true self, and Mike says, horrified, "Who you are is your true self!" Emmett says that who he is is who he's allowed himself to become. Huh? Mike screams, "That's bullshit!" Emmett says that "they" said that his friends might react badly. Ted asks what else "they" say, and Emmett says that "they" say that he can be the person that God wants him to be. Ted tells him he's being brainwashed, Emmett replies that no, they're really nice people, actually. "Yeah, who just happen to want every gay person on earth annihilated!" Ted yells. Mike adds, "They haven't offered you any Kool-Aid yet, have they?" Nah. Too much pink in it. Emmett tells them that he doesn't appreciate their making fun of him, picks up a cocktail napkin -- Mike gasps, "That's the napkin Liza autographed for you!" -- throws it in the box and takes everything outside (to the garbage, I presume).

Liberty Avenue. Ted moans that this is all his fault -- he shouldn't have taken Emmett with him when he went to be tested. Mike says that Ted's not responsible for Emmett's losing his goddamn mind. Ted sighs that maybe Emmett just needs to get laid. 'Cause that always solves everything. Shut up, Ted. They pass a guy handing out flyers and take one. It's for a play called Twelve Horny Men, starring Zack O'Tool. Yeah, you heard me. Zack's a big-time porn star -- Ted has Zack's entire "oeuvre" on DVD. Mike didn't even know Zack could talk. Ted wonders what type of play it is, Mike's like, um, what could something called Twelve Horny Men possibly be about? Ted doesn't know, but there's only one way to find out!

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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