Queer as Folk U.S.
Priorities, Please!

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
Down in the Dumps

Previously: Mikey liked Ben again. Ted was a walking dick joke. Brian fucked his mom's minister. Then she found out. Debbie doesn't like that Ben kid, but Michael is in love.

We open with the pages of Captain Astro as Michael narrates the dialogue for us. Captain Astro is dying, killed by Morphisto with a virus he can't beat. "This is so fucking cool," Michael tells us, since we can't tell. At one point, the virus-filled Captain Astro speaks in Ben's voice as he begs for help. Mikey is shocked. Captain Astro is dead. His hero has died. I can't imagine he wouldn't have known this was going to be the last issue where the lead character is killed off. Didn't they end Spiderman with him dying or something like that? I know nothing about comics. Obviously. ["It was Superman, I think -- and it didn't last, anyway." -- Wing Chun]

Diner. Mikey is telling his friends about Captain Astro's unfortunate demise. Everyone is sad for Michael. Brian says he's sure Captain Astro will return from the dead. Michael says he already called the publisher. There's no more Captain Astro. Debbie turns around all smiles. "They killed him," Michael tells her. Debbie becomes solemn, wondering which one of their friends is now deceased. When she finds out it's Captain Astro, she smacks Michael in the head and tells him never to scare her like that again. For real, Michael. It's time to be a grown-up sometimes, you know? Ted tells Mikey that Captain Astro lived a long and productive life during which he saved the world many times. Emmett chimes in that the Captain still looked good in Spandex at his age, which is quite an accomplishment. Mikey says that "the word on the net" (which you guys can take to be a shout-out, I think) is that they killed Captain Astro off because people thought he was gay. Don't you think Batman and Robin would have been killed off by now? Wait, was it Batman that was killed off? Comic books: I know nothing. Justin says that if the rumors are true, then Captain Astro's death was a hate crime. Ted reminds everyone that Captain Astro was a comic-book character. Mikey says that he was a hero to kids that don't have heroes, and now he's gone. Too bad Dr. Dave didn't get this kind of mourning when their relationship died.

Lindsay and Melanie are picking out wedding stuff. This time it's the place setting and menu. Everything is very, very French. So French that I can't tell you what she's saying. Mel translates for us, saying that the first plate is basically a "blue plate special" of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and iceberg lettuce with Russian dressing. The next one is even Frencher, and they don't even bother with the translation. Mel just calls it "Marie Antoinette's last meal." The wedding lady tells them it's fifty bucks a head. "Let them eat wedding cake," Mel replies. Lindsay finds the most expensive place setting, the "Feast of feasts," and falls in love with it immediately. It's filet mignon from New Zealand and African lobster. $125 a person. The French lady doesn't like it when Mel mocks the price range. She leaves Mel and Lindz alone to discuss their "special day."

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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