Queer as Folk U.S.
Home Is Where The Ass Is

Episode Report Card
Camper: C- | Grade It Now!
They're Ba-ack

Mike asks Brian if he's okay. Brian drones that he's not just okay, he's fabulous: "In fact, I'm the most fabulous fag in Pittsburgh." You know, after twenty-some odd episodes, no one's buying this crap anymore. Can Brian be numbing his emotions with anonymous sex? Wow, I wonder if also he's doing drugs as a way to drive away the reccurring images of Justin getting his head bashed in? Warning: we will be told how excessive his behavior is a couple dozen more times, even though it's no more excessive than we've ever seen from him. Brian wearily stands and asks the room if anyone has any ecstasy. A dozen hands reach out of the dark with tablets. If I were a vice cop, I would raid this place, like, all the time. Brian snags one, then asks Mike who told him that Brian was back there: "Rosencrantz or Guildenstern?" Random irrelevant Shakespearan reference. That's new. Brian's Hamlet, now, huh? His life. So tragic. Yawn. Mike says he probably could have figured it out on his own, since he took rocket science classes while he was in Portland. Yada. Brian takes off after some guy. Mike stamps his tiny little feet and pouts, "When am I going to see you again?!" Brian ignores him.

The hallway outside the once and future home of Mike and Emmett. I told you he'd be back. Emmett tells Mike not to take Brian's behavior personally, as if, again, this is any different from the way he normally behaves. Guess he hasn't read the recaps. Ted says that Brian's cut himself off from everyone. Emmett adds, "Everyone, that is, except for every slut in Pittsburgh with a smooth ass and a nine-inch cock." Ted finally points out that this is, as we all know, business as usual. Nothing to see here. Let's move along. Emmett shrugs, "But hey, when your boy toy gets broken, get another toy, right?" Okay, that's kind of harsh. Mike looks around the apartment and says it's great to be back. Ted's surprised, given the pictures he's seen of Demon's new house. Emmett replies, "Well, I might not have a pool or an atrium, but I've got a stopped-up sink and a half-dead rubber tree plant." Ted snarks, "He's trying to grow his own condoms." Hee. Emmett takes Mike's bag into his old room. Emmett sighs that Mike and the Demon must be so happy. Mike answers that Hank and David are growing very close. Did you notice how he sidestepped Emmett's comment? DID YOU?! Mike then spouts off some crap about visiting the various natural wonders Portland has to offer. At the mention of Mike's and Demon's "new friends," T&E get all shirty. Friends? What new friends?! Friends you like better than you like us? Mike tells them that no one could ever replace them! Warm fuzzy kittens! Emmett says, sadly, that he will have to replace Mike, though. As a roommate, he means. Not that Emmett hasn't been trying, he's just gotten...distracted. Cut to a montage of potential roommates walking in the door, and then a flash of each of them fucking Emmett. Back to the present, where Emmett says he's seen some people, "only no one measures up." Ted snorts, "Maybe you need to re-think the interview process."

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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