Queer as Folk U.S.
Home Is Where The Ass Is

Episode Report Card
Camper: C- | Grade It Now!
They're Ba-ack

Ted and Emmett are overjoyed to see Mike, and run over. Why he didn't tell him them he was coming? Mike claims it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Either that, or Chris Potter's contract is up. You be the judge. Mike says that the Demon took his son Hank camping (a.k.a. "The Bataan Death March, Part Two"), so Mikey thought he'd fly back home for a visit. Unannounced. Or something. Uh huh. Emmett, grasping Mike's face (he has to be drunk), tells Mike he looks adorable. And hot. "Doesn't he look hot, Ted?" Emmett asks. Ted glares at Emmett, then changes the subject by suggesting that they all get a drink. Emmett asks how long Mike will be in town. Supposedly it's just long enough to see them and his family, and -- all together now -- Brian. Of course, Brian. It's always Brian. By the way, where is Brian? Ted and Emmett tell Mike that Brian's not there. Mike thoughtfully frowns that of course Brian's not there: "Not after what happened." What, did his dick fall off? Actually, T&E meant that Brian's not on the dance floor. He's in the Back Room. Of Sex. Mike is shocked at such insensitive behavior. Even though, if he really thought Brian wasn't there, why did Mike even come there? Yeah. I know. It's only going to get worse from here, so buckle up.

Looks like we have a new Back Room of Sex. It's no longer blue, the stalactites are gone, and it's a lot darker in there. Multi-colored shadows dot the room, and various male body parts emerge from them. You know I'm not making this shit up. Mike nods at one guy named Todd, and asks how it's going. Same guy he asked during the series premiere, in exactly the same sexual position, if I remember correctly. Cute. Mike keeps wandering through the BRoS, so that we can get a good look at all the naked men having fake sex with each other. You know, one man's mouth nowhere near another man's penis. Another man pumping into nothingness, firm buttocks clenched. Got it. Let's keep moving. Mike bravely marches through all the fake moaning until he finds Brian. Brian sits in a chair, staring blankly ahead while two guys gnaw on his lap. He looks up and casually says, "Hey, Mikey." Mike's all, "Is that all you have to say to me?!" Brian, who looks like he's not having nearly as much fun as you and I would if we were getting a blowjob from two men, replies, "No," and then tells one of the guys dutifully sucking away, "Cover your teeth." Mike scolds that he's been emailing and calling Brian every day for almost a month, and hasn't gotten any response. Brian snarks that he's been busy. Mike snaps, "What, up to your old tricks?" Brian replies, "Never old ones. And never the same ones twice." Yada yada. Yawn. Mike disapprovingly hovers over Brian until Brian pushes the vacuum twins away. I didn't even realize there might be two of them until he said, "Okay, guys." The new Back Room of Sex needs better lighting.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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