Queer as Folk U.S.
Home Is Where The Ass Is

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They're Ba-ack

Mike and Emmett's. Ted's joined them for Chinese take-out. Emmett grins, "If I knew how many men you could meet at straight functions, I would have started going years ago." Ted congratulates him for finding "the one truffle in the garden." Emmett says, "I wouldn't be so sure. I have my suspicions about the groom." Shout-out! Mike's awfully quiet, so Ted asks him how his evening went. Emmett smirks, "He brought home a nice centerpiece of his own." Ted's startled, but recovers: "Well. You certainly didn't waste any time, did you? In town less than twenty-four hours." Emmett shrugs, "Why shouldn't he get a little action? He's outside the four-hundred-mile limit for extramarital quickies and anonymous assignations." Mike stays quiet. Emmett continues, "Mind you, if you want to do anything further, you'll have to do overseas travel and a fourteen-minimum day stay..." Mike's not sayin' nuthin'. Eeyore pouts, "I just thought, with everything you wrote, you know. That you and [Demon] were so in love. So committed." Emmett answers for his once and future roommate: "Every relationship has its own set of rules. Their arrangement is none of our business. Right, sweetie?" Yeah. Emmett wants to know what's up real bad. Mike finally blurts, "We broke up. It's over. David and I are over." Emmett shoots him a look of sympathy and then turns back to his food, calling it "the best dumplings [he's] ever had." Ted's like, did you hear what Mike said? Emmett heard, and then demands to know why Mike didn't say anything. Mike says he was going to, "when the time was right." T&E and I roll our eyes. And it's really starting to hurt. Mikey pouts, "But there's never a right time to admit that you failed. That you had this great opportunity to start your life over with someone that you loved, or thought you loved, and you blew it. I blew it. I complained that David was working too much, and that I couldn't find a job, and that I didn't have any friends. And when I accused him of being thoughtless and not caring, and said that if I knew it was going to be like this, I never would have come, he said, 'Well, go home, Michael!' Go home." Ted throws an arm around him and replies, "I wouldn't say that you failed." Emmett adds that it's not true that Michael doesn't have any friends: "'Cause you still got us." Ted says there's no shame in coming home: "That's what it's here for."

The Sentencing Hearing of Chris Hobbes. Chris, all cleaned up and spit-shined, and, uh, blonder for some reason, stands as the judge speaks. Mike, Debbie, Melanie, Lindsay, and Vic sit in the front row. This speech is a kicker: "The fact that Christopher Hobbes pled guilty on assault charges for his vicious attack on Justin Taylor in no way mitigates the seriousness of this crime, or the tragic effects on both these young men's lives. Both were honor students at St. James Academy; both were planning to attend college. Now one young man is recovering from serious brain injuries, and the other is facing a prison sentence. I ask myself, how could this have happened?" On cue, Debbie snarls, "Chris Hobbes is a homophobic animal!" To Michael, sitting next to her, she adds, "He should be put away." Mike nods in agreement, trying to shut her up. The judge continues, "I can only imagine how profoundly disturbing it must have been for a young man of Chris Hobbes's fine, moral upbringing to be approached sexually by a male student, then to see him flaunt his lifestyle by bringing his male lover to the prom and engaging in what has been described as a highly provocative dance." Okay. Let me get this straight. How is it that he knows about Chris's and Justin's tryst, but doesn't know that it was consensual? And didn't know that Chris had been harassing Justin all year? I realize that this is a sentencing hearing and not a trial, but witnesses still give testimony. Justin didn't send in a statement? Brian didn't testify? Or Daphne? Hel-loooo? Anyway. Brian walks in the courtroom and sits in the row behind his friends. The judge further intones, "Given the fact that he was drinking -- which he should not have been -- I could understand how Chris Hobbes might lose control of his better judgement. Still, this does not excuse his actions." Might lose control of his better judgement by finding a baseball bat somewhere, running down to the parking garage, and bashing Justin's head in? I mean, he had to find a baseball bat, then figure out where Justin was going. And how's Chris's leg, by the way? The judge says that he has struggled over a decision...but now he needs to take a recess. The gang's all, where the hell is he going? Melanie explains the origin of his nickname, "Regular Roy." Every day at 12:15, no matter what, the judge hops over to the bathroom across the hall, goes into the stall closest to the window, and takes a dump while smoking a cigarette. T&E think she's kidding. We get to see that she's not. Judge Roy returns, and finishes up. He accepts Hobbes's guilty plea and adds, "Because of your age, because you have no previous offenses, and because you were unduly provoked, you are hereby given a two-year suspended sentence and ordered to serve five hundred hours of community service." And that's that. O.J....I'm sorry, Hobbes smirks and shakes his lawyer's hand. Debbie protests, "No, that's not right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute!" Brian leaves the courtroom in shock.

Outside, Debbie is near tears. She can't believe Chris got off. Melanie says that that's how it works: "He pleaded guilty, the prosecutor reduced the charge from aggravated to simple assault, and Roy sent him off with probation and service." Debbie cries, "He'd have gotten more for bashing a dog!" Too true. Mike tries to lead his mother away, and Debbie agrees to go home: "But not to rest. I'm going to call every P-FLAG chapter in this country; we're not putting up with this for one fuckin' second. We're going to march, and we're going to carry huge signs, and let this asshole judge know what we think of him." Vic tries to shush her. Like that ever works. Debbie rushes over and tries to get in Hobbes's face, but her family pulls her away. Mike tries to calm her down by saying that Hobbes won't get away with it. Except he already has.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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