Project Runway

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: C+ | Grade It Now!
Pomp and Makeovers

Here's Megan in Korto's look. She looks cute. It's a green print wrap dress with a tan fitted jacket on top. The jacket has a little warp in the lapel, creating a cut-out when it's fastened (which it does to the neck). It's cute. Not my favorite thing ever -- but it's OK. Korto says she feels like she was successful in fusing the jacket and the dress. She didn't take this challenge literally, instead, she thought about designing for a 21 year old girl.

So, last week I thought that when Blayne's look appeared, I'd maybe seen the worst possible thing that I could see on this show. I was, to put it mildly, wrong. To put it spicy, SHUT THE FUCK UP. So, the "Pucci-esque" print in purple? More like 1970's Howard Johnson bedspread. The print has been draped into a fairly shapeless and unremarkable dress. But, the jacket... It's a long dark green blazer thing with these massive rococo cuffs and purple embroidery on the (uneven) pockets and cuffs. I want to puke and spin with laughter and cry and orgasm all at once this is so bad. It's like a Bratz doll made by a person with broken glasses. Like shattered glass -- made by a person looking through shattered magnifying glass. I can't -- hold on a second. Back. I just did all those things. Had to. This is the most tasteless thing that has ever appeared this late in a season, with the possible exception of Michael Knight's Bryant Park collection. That stuff at least looked like it was made by a person who doesn't see have make-out sessions with the ghost of Liberace. This shit's crazy. Rayon says that he gave Avital the artistic piece that she wanted. Dear Lord. Poor Avital too. Man, she's working it on the runway. In that horrible Picasso/Dance Party USA circa when Kelly Ripa was on it/unwearable disaster.

Here's Kenley's look. Blah. I don't even have energy for her right now. It's a '50s print dress with tulle crinolines (per usual). There's a short vest over the top (kinda clever) with a belt over the best (think I like it). Kenley says that Anna's mom Nancy is thrilled.

The show is over and I still taste the sandwich I ate yesterday and now I need a nap. Seriously, I can't get over how ugly that fucking outfit was. Maybe the dude really is a total and complete poseur. This is just too weird. Maybe he's not even 37, like he says he is. Maybe he's like 52 and has tons of cats that he names after European cities. Oslo loves to eat Kleenex. I just can't believe this guy has had even one job in fashion, even as an accountant.

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Project Runway




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