Project Runway
Million Dollar Runway

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | 39 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Frenemy

Last time on Project Runway, my boyfriend and I took bets on who would go home (Crazy Timothy or Visible Vagina?) and we were both wrong. Also in the name of ratings, they introduced "Tim’s Rescue." I’m glad Tim is getting in on the judging action a little more this season, but that could be done without this silly ploy. Hey, speaking of silly ploys, this episode starts out with armored cars!

Completely unnecessarily, armed guards step onto the runway and all of these designers are like "eeeek" and one of them thinks it will be a "military" challenge because when you see a gun you don’t discern the difference between the military and the police, or even security guards, you just start saying words and try not to get pepper sprayed or arm wrestled.

To appear equally terrifying, Heidi walks out with the button bag. But how could you be afraid of Heidi Klum, even if she had a gun? Heidi says the security guards are here for "millions of reasons" and by reasons she means diamonds. Or dollars’ worth of diamonds. Anyway, diamonds. The models walk out wearing diamonds and I bet Timothy is like "those are blood diamonds," and he’s going to make his poor model take them off and roll around in dirt.

Up on the runway is 30 million dollars’ worth of diamonds. Hella bling, y’all. The designers are to create a look glamorous enough to accompany these diamonds.

"I’m not inspired by the jewelry, I’m not inspired by money. We have to pick the prettiest diamond and I think that’s very superficial," Timothy of the rhinestone platform shoes says through his nose. For such an original he sure is predictable. I’m sure his model is glad she might be with a different designer this time. God, Timothy is so horrible I almost forgot there’s a deaf designer this season.

I am inspired by jewelry and money and these diamonds are gorgeous. Thanks to yet another new sponsor, the designers have a mobile bank account this year and can track their spending on their smartphones that are not allowed to make outside calls or install Candy Crush. The interesting part of this is that they have one account for the whole season and they can spend whatever they want, but they might not have anything left by the fifth challenge if they buy too much leather. It’s a one day challenge this time, and this season’s iteration of Suede is in shambles over it.

Timothy has opted to take the angle "trash to treasure" and I just can’t stand him, to the point where I don’t remember any of the other designers’ names. And there’s all this interactive social media going on where I would usually find the names, it’s all very confusing. Not to mention this mobile phone bank and the new accessory wall for sophisticated Southern women.

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