Project Runway

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: A- | Grade It Now!
It's A Potty
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: The designers had to create walkers, I mean, looks, for the ideal Marie Claire woman. This entailed the creation of nifty pockets for one-a-day vitamins and holsters for lady guns for all of the modern lady cops. In the end, we were all left wondering why Domino folded yet stupid and pointless Marie Claire still exists. I'm sure there's a reason but I'm not listening. Let's all have a moment of silence for Domino, shall we? Shhh. We're not done. OK. Anyway, Jason and Nicholas were the worst of the bunch. Jason was a big baby and walked out without getting a farewell from Tim, while Nicholas was the most nakedly mournful ejected designer we've ever seen. Right? It almost made him memorable.

So, I'm trying to think of what the film version of Eat, Pray, Love has taught me about this season, so far. More saris? Maybe there should be a design challenge where pasta is the fabric. Certainly, it has confirmed for me that there are far too many bangs on this program. It has also reminded me to find footage of James Franco on General Hospital.

They've asked the designers to act like damn fools in the credits this season. Ivy blurts, "I was BORN ready," as if she were experiencing some sort of epileptic fit. And Mondo's "You know you want this," should qualify him for prosecution for some sort of felony. Ridiculous. Other Michael saying with his mannered shrug of the shoulders, "I'm the best there is," looks like he's channeling fucking Blossom. He's dead to me. And Sarah apparently made a wrong turn on the way to Top Chef. She's dressed for it and everything.

It's morning at the Atlas Building and everyone is getting themselves dolled up for another day of back breaking labor. I'd seriously shower once a week if I were on this show. Who cares? So here's Ivy congratulating Gretchen on her second win. Gretchen interviews that the group of designers is very loving and caring, which is paired with footage of Cute Michael saying, "I hate that bitch, Gretchen." He seems like he's being coy, but there's a little truth in every joke. Which is why people get arrested whenever they are even kidding about hurting a public official. Or Sandy Bullock. You just NEVER KNOW WHERE THE TRUTH MAY LIE. Here's a whole montage of Gretchen saying really self-important things about how everyone loves her and thinks the fucking sun rises and sets in her shiny butt. Interspersed are snippets of other designers talking about how much they hate Gretchen. Surprisingly, no one mentions the bangs. Peach thinks that her attitude has changed a lot. I'm not sure that a person who talks about how everyone understood why she was going to win before they even knew that she won needed to change much to become this special sort of idiot. Valerie is the one bright spot (buzz kill). She's not annoyed by Gretchen's success because she thinks that she deserves it. However, it bums her out a little because she wants to win too.

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Project Runway




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