Private Practice

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Oh, Baby

Maya has taken Dell's advice and has hauled her pregnant ass all the way to the hospital to beg her mom to come to her wedding. My opening would have been: "I didn't have the abortion, so you better come to my wedding, woman." Instead she opts for "I need my mama." While that would have melted my heart, Naomi takes it as an affront to motherhood. She claims Maya needed a mother long ago and she's not going to give her one now. Which is pretty much just punishing Maya for Naomi's own crappy parenting. Maya protests that it's her wedding! Not a rather expensive and elaborate religiously-fueled guilt trip. But Naomi won't sit down in front of God and, like, the neighbors and be reminded of what a shit parent she was. And nothing cures a hill of crappy parenting like a MOUNTAIN of crappy parenting. And, I'm not particularly religious or anything, but wouldn't God already know that she was a lousy parent?

Poor little incubator baby is laboriously breathing in his incubator with his eyes taped shut and his little stocking cap on his head. His mama watches him and recounts the struggle to get pregnant and all the IVFs and how excited they were to have him. The mom asks to hold her little baby, but Addison really unnecessarily bitchily says no. I mean, TONE, woman! C'mon, this a heartbroken grief-stricken mother, could you pretend not to disprove of her wanting to HOLD HER BABY? Then the parents and Pete and Naomi all gang up on Addison and force her to perform a surgery to try and save the baby's digestive system against her strident advice. Addison glares at them all, but agrees to do it.

Elsewhere, Cooper is having to cover for Doctor Douche and he is not happy about it. He knows the guy is stoned off his ass in his BMW at a country club parking lot instead of tending to the needs of his patients. Charlotte comes in to the room to, I don't know, gloat? loiter? Cooper takes the opportunity to tell her that her new boyfriend is a drug-addled lawsuit waiting to happen. She is unconvinced by his assessment. BUT SHE WILL EAT HER WORDS. Right?

Sam is struggling to write his speech and the process is not helped by Addison's interruption and need to profess her dating status to him. He doesn't want to talk about it, so she talks about her dying preemie instead, because she simply has to talk about herself or else her lady bits will fall off. It's a curse thing, don't ask. She sighs that she is going to head back to the hospital to remove most of the baby's intestinal tract now. Sam then segues to his daughter's wedding. The English language as used in ShondaLand is magical like that: necrotizing baby intestines to weddings in an instant. Sam has to make a speech making everyone feel happy about the wedding, when all he wants to do is stop the whole thing. Well, I guess you shouldn't have signed the papers then, eh? Addison does not point this out, but just stares at him ruefully while she tries to get the conversation back to her.

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Private Practice

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