Private Practice

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SWAT a WASP

Addison and Naomi argue about the risks of operating on the triplets. Addison wants to push the couple to see things her way, but Naomi huffily reminds her that they can't push a couple to go against their beliefs! Uh oh! Looks like someone has been reading the scripts again! What would this show have were it not for pushing couples to go against their beliefs? Addison draws the rest of the practice into the argument. Archer laughs that it's like Dr. Jeopardy! They all jovially argue about due diligence and faith and the human element, but their fun is doused when Mr. Perv shows up. They all know who he is because of the giant Mr. Perv sign that the court mandated he wear on his head. All the doctors rock from foot to foot and avoid eye contact. Violet quickly ushers Mr. Perv into her office.

Mr. Perv apologizes to Violet for not telling her the truth before. He hates that part of himself. Being caught is freeing because now he can't hide and has to get help. How much do I not want to be recapping this? I'm going to pretend they are talking about overeating cupcakes instead. He doesn't want to eat the little cupcakes, because if he did anything they would become what he is an -- a cupcake eater. He was once abused by a cupcake and the cupcake abuse tore him apart. He never wants to eat another cupcake. He wants to go home and not go near that bakery ever again.

In an effort to help her quit smoking, Pete is needling Meg. Acupuncture will heal all of her ersatz housewife woes! Of course when he actually inserts the needle they cut away and use magic model acupuncturist hands. Meg complains about being stuck at home (figuratively, I assume she's not a DIY acupuncturist) while he works. Pete reminds her that he could have rescheduled if she had told him she was coming. Seriously, Meg, it's the hazard of the surprise visit. Meg complains some more and Pete calmly inserts needles in her shut-the-hell-up chakra.

Later that evening all the doctors have gathered at Archer's fancy publisher-funded shindig. Naomi is looking fly in a blue dress. Addison is wearing something much less flattering -- all grey and high-waisted and stripey on the bottom. Addison tells Naomi that Archer and SWAT are trying to make nice, but when we join their conversation, we realize the statement is simply untrue. Archer grills SWAT as to what he is doing with his sister. Is he trying to get his hands on her $25 million dollar trust fund? SWAT would have spittaked at that number, but Archer doesn't let him get it out. He tells him his sister is just playing with him and he shouldn't get too comfortable. Then Archer walks off leaving SWAT to stew in his inferiority. I wonder if Addison said the same thing to Archer's blonde to make her disappear?

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Private Practice

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