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Surf's Up
Crosby is back at Milo's mom's house, with Jabbar, enjoying a dip in the pool. That's not a euphemism, but it might as well be one. "What's with Hasselhoff?" Crosby asks, indicating the hunky lifeguard this chick has for her backyard pool. "Well, safety first," she says, wink wink. "Besides, he can watch the keeeds, while jooooo help me weeeth a snack!" Now, that was a euphemism. Crosby attempts to half-heartedly protest. Jabbar's not that great of a swimmer, he says, so he'll just stay in the pool with him. But the lifeguard, of all people, insists that he go off with Trampy, which he does. Nervously, he follows her through the house, trying to keep one eye on the pool, and one eye on her admittedly fine ass. He's obviously worried about Jabbar, but battling his libido. For a moment, it appears the latter will win out. Like a cougar (ugh), the woman pounces on him and things appear to be going swimmingly. But after a few seconds, Crosby realizes his heart isn't in it -- he doesn't feel right, as a parent, leaving Jabbar in the pool without him. "You're serious," Trampy says, when it is clear Crosby is calling it off. She dismounts in disgust and walks out. "Uh, I'm gonna need a minute," Crosby calls after her. This show needs to take a cold shower, damn!

Adam arrives at the school to pick up the girls, and finds Amber, alone, minus Haddie. "She's at Steve's," Amber tells him. "Can I still get a ride, or should I try to hitch one from a creepy stranger?" When she gets in the car, he tries to ask her how school was, but her ever-present iPod blocks her hearing. Attempting to be Cool Uncle Adam, he tells her that if she wants to listen to music, she can use his awesome iPod docking station. "Check this out," he says, grabbing her iPod over weak protests. But instead of rocking out, he hears the dulcet tones of Mr. Cyr, reading vocabulary words, complete with cutesy sentence usages: "Principal Grayson is extremely loquacious." Okay, I don't think an English teacher would suggest modifying "loquacious" with "extremely," but whatever. Details. Anyway, Amber is chagrined and jokes that she's sure Adam is shocked to find her studying for her SATs on Saturday with the help of her English teacher. "Cool," Adam says. "That's a good guy." Amber says yeah, he's a great guy, in that way that cool teenage girls have of giving their crushes away so obviously. She says she really thinks Mr. Cyr cares if she does well on the test. Adam lets a little look of worry pass over his face, and she catches it. "What?" she asks. He says it's nothing and says he has some music for her to hear: "You like Van Halen?" They cut away, but we can assume it's Hot for Teacher. OMG, are y'all old like me and can remember every second of that video? David Lee Roth, why did you have to get so crazy and weird? How much did Van Halen rule?

Sarah is getting her first look at Mr. Cyr's apartment, and is impressed. He has a little present for her -- a copy of The Sound and the Fury, the book that sort of brought them together, when Amber plagiarized Sarah's high school paper on it. Sarah is a little confused that he'd be giving it to her, now. "I have seen this before," she says. "So, then, is this like, the English teacher's version of 'hey, baby, come up to my apartment, I'll show you my etchings.'" Mr. Cyr laughs and says no, no. He tells her to open the book to page 47. It's his own copy and he wants her to see a paragraph he highlighted when he was 17-years-old. It's the same paragraph Sarah wrote that paper on when she was 17, herself: Caddy got the box and set it on the floor and opened it. It was full of stars. When I was still, they were still. When I moved, they glinted and sparkled. I hushed. "So, tell me that that isn't weird," Mr. Cyr says, "that two people from two different high schools..." Sarah: "Yes, decades apart!" Hee. They laugh, acknowledging how wild it is that they'd both pinpoint that same passage in the book. "I love that part," Sarah says. "The box of stars -- it's such a good metaphor for Caddy." Right, Mr. Cyr says. "Bright and burning." Sarah says yes, but she's closed off in such a dark, claustrophobic space. "But," Mr. C adds, all significantly, "she's lighting up everybody around her." Wow, this Faulkner shtick is actually working! Nerdy guys take note: Sarah is putty in his hands. "Seducing me with The Sound and the Fury," Sarah laughs as they begin kissing. Mr. Cyr: "It works every time!" Heee. Well, hell, it works this time.

In fact, the next morning, Sarah meets Adam for a very early coffee at the diner, and is bouncing on her seat, the dead give-away of one who has, in fact, hit that. She asks Adam why they're meeting so early. He says he's been trying to squeeze in a walk with Kristina all week, and "just that simple act requires that I get to work early, so I can get home early, so I can get there before Gaby is done working with Max." He is stressed, to say the least, but he's actually there to talk about Sarah, he says, about this thing with Amber's teacher. "His name... is Mark..." Sarah says, sexily. Adam cuts the BS, though: "I don't think it's a good idea." Sarah is shocked. "Thank you for the unwanted advice," she says. "Is that why we got up so early? For you to tell me that I couldn't be happy?" Poor Sarah. Adam says that the thing is, when he drove Amber home from school the night before, he could tell she has a major crush on Mr. Cyr. "No, she doesn't," Sarah insists. Adam stands firm: "Yes, she does." He asks if she remembers when she had that crush on Mr. Levitsky in high school. "How would you have felt if Mom slept with Mr. Levitsky?" he asks. Sarah, of course, is grossed out. "It's different," she says. "Mom was married, and Mom was... Mom!" Adam says he just doesn't want to see her fall into another... Sarah interrupts: "Another failure? Because nothing I do ever works out?" Adam sighs. He says he sees so many improvements in Amber right now -- she's happier, she cares about school. "You don't want her to backslide," he says. Sarah is mad. "I see those things," she says. "You're not the only good parent." Adam is set back. All he's asking her to do, he says, is think about Amber before she does anything. She doesn't tell him that it's too late.

Amber is in her room studying when Sarah knocks on the door. Sarah comes in with the tell-tale sign of a parent with a Big Announcement. "Why are you being weird?" Amber asks. "Did somebody die?" Sarah says no, nobody died. "I met somebody," she says. Amber gives this the brush. "Wait, there's more," Sarah says, nervous. "It's somebody you know." Now Amber is interested, and asks who it is. "It's uh, your teacher," Sarah says, while Amber's face drains. "Mr. Cyr." Amber is, in a word, devastated, but does her best to hide it. "Yeah, I guessed it wasn't Mrs. Hasbrook," she attempts to joke. Sarah, with a touch of Lorelai Gilmore: "No, not with those orthopedic shoes." Poor Amber. She can't do anything but smile sadly. "It's great," she says. "I said it was great." Sarah kind of bumbles out the rest, asking if Amber wants to talk about it. "Nah, I just want to study," Amber says, smiling, but Sarah can hardly get out the door before Amber breaks down. Sarah hears her from the hallway and realizes, now, that Adam was right.

Speaking of Adam, the problem is, he's always right. He gets home from work to find that all his best-laid plans to go on a walk with his wife were for naught. Gaby leaves early on Thursdays, which he didn't remember, and won't be able to stay with Max. He offers her overtime pay and everything, but she says she needs a break in between the families that she works with. "I hope you understand," she says, and while he does understand, he's still upset. "Well, that's great that she gets some time to herself," he snits, as soon as she's out the door. "Maybe she can make another date with Jose Cuervo!" Kristina is confused by his outburst, but he brushes her off, pissily saying he's going to check on Max. "Okay, he's fine," she sa

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