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Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now!
Faking It

Adam wonders if just now, when he came home and she was kissing him, she was faking it. "Honey, understand something," Kristina says, slowly, so that maybe he WILL understand it. "I feel better today than I have in so long." Y'all, stress will kill you. Go get laid off and adopt a baby and see what I am talking about. Wait, no. Don't do that first one. The second thing though, by all means do that! I can't recommend it enough!

Adam is still suspicious. He needs specifics. "What about that time after the Jon Stewart Daily Show? he asks. "That was pretty intense. That was the real deal, right?" First of all, I love the targeted branding. Secondly, that's a man right there -- I'm sure he had to wait until the show was over that night, and then in a complete smug liberal frenzy, had the best sex of his life. Nothing turns such a dude on more than hating crazy conservatives, believe that. And, I know he's having some issues right now, but President Obama is one sexy world leader. Anyway, Kristina, though it's obvious she's having trouble recalling that romantic night in front of Jon Stewart, says yes, yes, that was hot stuff. Adam just wants to know he's satisfying his wife, which is sweet, but dude, just be happy she's happy right now. To borrow a phrase I often scream at the television during football games: it's time to capitalize on the momentum. (Not that I screamed it that often last year during my alma mater's National Championship of Ass Kicking I Love You Sweet Home Alabama You Make Me Want to Live Again Football Season, or anything.)

Over at the shrine of playgroups, no screaming is going on, but things are nonetheless intense. Julia passive-aggressively confronts Joel about his rock star status. It must be very hard being married to an attorney. She asks if Raquel hit on him. "Did Crosby tell you that?" he asks. "He didn't have to," she says, "I inferred." Joel says no, she did not hit on him. "She's never hit on you?" Julia asks, taking the lawyer stance. Joel goes quiet. Oh, man. He says that once, a few months ago, Raquel came over to pick up Harmony, the girls fell asleep, and they got to talking about her marriage. "I listened, and she misinterpreted," he says. Julia's eyes bug out. "And...?" she asks. "What? She kissed you. Did she kiss you?" Joel looks like he wants to fall through the floor and, since we just don't know him well enough, yet, I'm not even sure if he's telling the truth. I think he is, though. He says Raquel did TRY to kiss him, but he shut her down immediately. Julia rightly flips. First, Joel didn't tell her any of this, and then he let her think she was crazy for feeling jealous of Raquel all this time. He says he did it for Sydney -- Harmony is her best friend and he didn't want her to lose her buddy. Julia makes an executive decision: she wants Raquel out of their lives. Except, Joel sad-bastardly reminds her, that will mean Harmony is out of their lives, as well. Julia says that Sydney is five, she'll make new friends which, though sad, is quite true, right? "What if I was at work every day," she asks, "with a guy who hit on me?" Damn, girl, look in the mirror -- surely you are getting hit on! Anyway. Joel gives her the puppy eyes, severely, but she won't budge. She'll tell Sydney herself, she says, but tomorrow. They embrace like someone has just died and hold hands.

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