Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now!
Faking It

Back at school, Amber has stopped by Mr. Cyr's classroom to ask him about that totally awesome sounding club thing, or whatever, who cares, I mean, the um... literary magazine? Hee. Look, it is hard being a teenager. Especially one like Amber who has a crush on her teacher and thus is wearing a drugstore's worth of makeup and hair gel. She looks 40. This alleged literary magazine is called The Spectrum, a fine name, but nothing beats the magazine my poor friend Mary used to have to head up as part of her English-teaching duties. It was called Catharsis, and even though it was years ago that she told me about it, I CANNOT stop laughing about the name. Has there ever been any more appropriately-named publication that features the poetry of teenagers? Oh, my LORD, I am laughing so hard about it right now, damn.

Anyway, poor Amber is awkwardly trying to act both interested and uninterested in this whole thing and it pains me to see her mooning over this dude, so (appropriately) out of reach. In the end, he tells her they'll be formatting in the computer lab after school, so she should come by. "Formatting and computer labs," Amber says. "And here I thought it would be nerdy and lame." Good one. He laughs and says oh, yeah, it's going to be so cool, what with all the footnoting and endnoting. She tells him he has chalk on his shoulder -- and I am so glad they didn't have her go up to him and brush it off -- and, now feeling a little awkward himself, he says it's an occupational hazard. Do any high school classrooms have chalkboards anymore? I would like to think so, but I wonder.

Crosby is at Braverman HQ supervising his mom doing his laundry. Whaaaat? Zeek staggers in, looking like... well, Crosby asks if he just got in a fight with a leaf blower, and the question is not unwarranted. "Didn't you just do like, eight loads here last week?" he asks. Camille says that Crosby just wants to visit them and uses the laundry as an excuse. No, Mom, no. He wants you to wash his new Underdog t-shirt, and then probably fold it for him and drive over to his boat to put it away. Actually, he is also wanting to do the big Jabbar reveal, and attempts it, now. "Someone has come into my life, recently," he starts, and his parents don't even hesitate before the ribbing begins. Apparently, there are often people -- women -- coming into Crosby's life. He loses his nerve in the end and bail for his office saying he'll tell them later.

Speaking of nerve, Sarah is surprised to see none other than Mr. Cyr show up at the bar. He's kind of agitated -- acting a lot like Amber was acting with him earlier, actually -- and Sarah asks if everything is okay. "This is probably lame and sort of embarrassing for me," he says, "but I'm gonna say it. I... really like you..." She smiles. Naturally, one of her regulars interrupts a few times as Mr. Cyr blurts out the rest -- he's been thinking about her and she makes him laugh, etc. When the lush at the bar interrupts again, Sarah finally excuses herself and pours the guy a splashy double on the house. At the end of the bar, Mr. Cyr brushes the chalk off his shoulder. "I just sensed there was this connection," he rambles cutely when she returns. "Despite, uh..." Sarah: "What? That you fall asleep when you try to count to my age?" Ha! He says no, no, despite the fact that he teaches her daughter. "I have a daughter?" Sarah asks, smiling again. With his facial hair nearly in flames, Mr. Cyr goes for the gold. "So, I wanted to give you this," he says, pulling out a note. He says that he knows texting is the thing the kids are into these days, "but I think there's something more romantic about (gulp) pen and paper." All of this is said at the height of nerves, and Sarah is so enamored she can hardly take it. He tells her not to open it, now, but to follow the directions in the note. Dudes, it's a "Will You Go Out with Me? Yes/No/Maybe." Is it lame that I am charmed? I got only one of those in my life, in junior high, and I wish so badly I had saved it. I think I was too shy to even answer it and as I recall it was from a boy I had known since first grade. I just felt such a wave of guilt I had to go friend him on Facebook.

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