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Faking It

Crosby has come a-callin' on Julia at her office. "We just lost our key witness in our Downey-Smith trial," he says from her doorway. Cute. He's actually there to tell her he got the results of his paternity test. That was quick. He wants her to be with him when he opens it. "That's really sweet," she says. "And also kind of pathetic." He stalls by ribbing her for not having pictures of him in the office. "Embarrassed to have me in the family?" he asks. You know she wants to say yes, but instead informs him that she managed to get him and Jabbar into Joel's Wednesday playgroup. "You 'got us in,'" he scoffs. Julia: "There is a three-month waiting list!" She shoves the paternity test letter back at him and demands that he open it. "Can't we ease up to it?" he begs. "What are you in such a hurry for?" Julia asks if he's afraid of being a father, or not being a father. "Yes," he says. "Both." Julia assures him he's a wimp, he counters that she is a tyrant, and finally, he opens the results. "He's mine," he says, clearly relieved and blown away. "I'm a father." Taking a deep breath, he asks Julia what he's supposed to do now. "Buy a microwave?" he wonders. "Move to the suburbs?" Suddenly, he remembers the biggest thing. "We gotta tell Mom and Dad," he says. Julia: "Yes, you do." No, no, Crosby says, they'll go together. She tells him to grow up. "Growing up means asking for help," he says, "which I'm doing." She laughs, and tells him that's nice but that he needs to actually grow up and do it himself. "You want to frame this for your office?" he asks, waving the results as he goes out. "Because this might be the document that made me grow up. I mean, I know you don't want any pictures of me, so there's this." Ha! Did I just like Crosby?

Back at the Chez "Nice" Sex, Adam and Kristina open the door, together, to the hot(tttt) behavioral therapist, Gaby. Taking a seat, she asks them where they'd like her to start with Max's therapy. Kristina says she's not sure where to begin. "Well," Gaby says, "if there were a behavior of Max's that you could wave a wand and change, what would it be?" Adam groans: "How much would a wand like that cost?" Not helpful, man. Kristina stammers that Max takes forever to get ready in the morning. "His diet," Adam interrupts. "He only eats certain things cooked in certain ways." Kristina confirms this, saying Max will only eat eggs if they are cooked in the orange frying pan. Gaby raises an eyebrow, causing Adam to wonder if these are normal behaviors for kids with Asperger's. "Um," Gaby says. "The orange frying pan is new." Kristina's face falls. "Oh," Adam snarks, "he's weird, even for a kid with Asperger's! Great!" Siiiigh. I am actually not sure what we're supposed to be seeing in this scene. Is it that the therapist is attractive and Adam oogled her a little as she came in the door? Is it that Kristina is particularly stressed and Adam is... also stressed? Kristina adds that Max sometimes has severe tantrums. "I don't know if I'd call them severe," Adam says. Kristina lists a few examples: "Biting? The fish tank?" Adam can't argue with those. As a matter of fact, he seems to agree, but Gaby interjects as if we're supposed to think she is helping them save face. She asks how Max does socially like, with his friends. "Does he have playdates?" she asks. Adam and Kristina look at each other, super sad. "No," Adam says. On the verge of tears, but forcing a smile, Kristina adds: "Max doesn't really have any friends." Okay, Gaby says kindly. "Why don't we start there?" Kristina sighs. "That's good," she says, and Adam can only give a sad smile of his own.

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