Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Sisterhood of Bad Idea Jeans

The search continues for the missing tortoise at Adam's house. By now, Haddie and Amber are in on it, outside in the yard laughing about how Max kind of looks like a turtle, himself. Suddenly, Amber turns to Haddie. "Can I talk to you for a just a second?" she asks, already emotional. I can barely recap this scene because Mae Whitman just kills me dead in every frame. "About Steve..." she says, and Haddie smiles and interrupts. "Oh, my God, I know," she says. "I saw him talking to you in the cafeteria. Did he say something weird?" She's laughing, thinking Amber is going to say what a douche he is, but Amber is already crying. "No, it's just..." Amber says, breathing deeply. "This is hard... I... I slept with him." Haddie rolls her eyes, thinking it's a joke. "Ha ha," she drones, but quickly sees that Amber is spiraling. "I don't know what happened," Amber cries. "I don't know... it was an accident. I was drinking and he was being nice, and something is wrong with me. I'm sorry! I wish I could take it back; it was an accident and I am so sorry!" She continues to almost hyperventilate with grief and finally Haddie finds her voice. "Can you please just stop talking?" she snaps, and stomps off into the house. Poor Amber is left freaking out in the yard, repeating that she's sorry and begging her cousin not to be mad at her. That was some devastating teenage girl stuff right there. I hate it that they had to go so far to the extreme of this 16-year-old girl having sex in a golf course gazebo -- honestly, it would have been just as upsetting to Haddie if Amber and Steve had just made out or something -- but in any case, Amber's emotions felt very real.

Inside the house, things are not going much better. Max has backed himself into a corner and is building up to a huge tantrum about his missing turtle. "Max, we are going to find Miles, I promise," Adam says, trying to remain calm. Max: "You can't promise, because you don't know where he is!" Max is not being able to hold it together, and even though Adam supplies him with the clear logic that a tortoise is never really lost because it carries its house on its back, he finally breaks down and starts flailing around. Adam holds him tightly until he becomes calm again, assuring him that everything is going to be okay. In the doorway, Zeek watches this scene unfold, a look of deep sadness on his face.

Back at HQ, Sarah is in the living room when Camille finally come home. "You waited up," Camille says. Sarah smiles. "Revenge, huh, for all those nights I made you wait up?" she jokes. Camille says that there wouldn't be enough nights in a year, and tries to go upstairs to bed. "Mom!" Sarah says, stopping her. "How was it?" Camille says her night out with Matthew was really fun, that the other art show was embarrassingly bad, and that they ended up back at Matthew's place drinking and talking. "He made us a fire, and served us some port, and we talked," she says. "And we talked." She drifts into silence, and Sarah knows all. "And...?" she says, and watches as Camille puts her hand over her face in shame. No one does reaction shots like Lauren Graham, y'all. I hope, no... DEMAND that she win an Emmy for this show after being so long shut out. She is amazing. I don't even know how she does it -- her face doesn't even move, but across it you can see a million emotions as she realizes her mom had sex with this Matthew dude and what it will mean about her parents' relationship. "Oh, Mom..." she says.

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