Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B | 2 USERS: A+
The Tracks of My Mother-Freakin' Tears

Downstairs, the family women have dessert and wine and feminine chat. Julia tells Sarah that she ran into an old flame of hers at a coffee shop downtown, Jim Kaczynski. "Kaczynski," Kristina says, in wonder. "The Unabomber?" While I love the idea of Sarah having dated the Unabomber, unfortch that was Ted Kaczynski. All the ladies agree that though she dated Jim 20 years ago and has not seen him since, she really needs a date. "I'm setting it up," Julia says. Sarah is reluctant, but asks what he looks like, now. "S-s-smokin' hot," Julia stutters unconvincingly

The door bursts open. To no one's surprise, really, Max has a bloody nose, administered by Grandpa's elbow. "He was in my zone," Zeek says, which is the first laugh I've had in about 10 minutes. Adam and Kristina get all maudlin, though honestly Max seems to be taking it in stride. "Your Grandpa's an idiot," Camille says as Adam goes to confront his dad. This is a weird scene. It seems ad-libbed and there are just too many dang PEOPLE milling around. Frankly, Peter Krause is kind of one-noting this whole show and I need him to step up if he's going to go toe-to-toe with Craig T. Because Coach is too good to have to play down. "The kid's got some height deficiencies," Zeek says when Adam asks why he had to go overboard with the basketball game. "We need to make him a ball-handler." You guys keep cracking down on him so hard, you'll make him a ball-handler all right. He'll be handling balls all over town, explaining to the Celebrity Rehab guy that the men in his life never understood him thus forcing him to seek out male approval in adulthood. Wow, did I take that too far? Definitely. I'm sorry. Listen, I'm desperate! It's been 17 minutes and nothing has happened!

Adam asks if his dad really finds it necessary to play with Max that hard. "You weren't any different," Zeek says. "You had to get over fears, too." Adam snaps that they aren't raising Max the way Zeek raised his own kids. Zeek asks what that's supposed to mean. "It means I don't want him to feel like everything in life is a war," Adam says. Zeek shakes his head. "Oh, Sonny," he says with a smug smile. "It is a war." [This was the point at which I realized they were all having dinner at a crazy man's house. - Zach]

Upstairs, the uprooted Amber and Drew are lounging in the guest room when Sarah comes in, flossing her teeth, to say good night. "Have you been smoking in here?" she fusses at Amber, who immediately snarks back that the tooth flossing pick her mom is using grosses her out. "How much longer do we have to share a room?" Drew cuts in, nervously. Sarah sighs that she is not sure. "That reminds me, Drew," Amber says. "If you feel the need to uh, release the tension, so to speak, if you could do it in the bathroom..." Sarah shudders and admonishes Amber, but Drew just wants to know if he can maybe move back to Fresno to live with his dad. Sarah gets a sad look on her face, but Amber has a more hardlined approach. "Yeah, that's a really good idea," she says. "Maybe you guys could share a drug dealer." In her best Lorelei voice, Sarah gives her the shut-up hand and a forceful "OH, my God." Drew says their dad has an extra bedroom, and they've kind of talked about it. Sarah seems surprised by this, but takes it easy with her son, who is obviously hurting. "I don't know, honey," she says. "Dad gets so busy and, what if he has to go out on tour...?" Drew mopes and asks if he can just talk to his dad about it. "Yeah, of course," Sarah says, trying to be cheerful. On the way out, though, she rips on Amber for smoking. "We are guests in this house," she says through clenched, freshly-flossed teeth. Amber: "Oh, I thought we lived here." Y'all, I would have smothered Amber years ago.

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