Parenthood

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Tracks of My Mother-Freakin' Tears

At his dad's, Adam is under the house, wielding a pipe snake. So many moments of this pilot resonated with me, and this was no different. Y'all, recently I had to auger a toilet. NO! Let us speak of it no more. My God, the nightmares I am still having. Why did I bring it up?! I will now take yet another boiling shower, hoping to one day be clean again. Dear ol' Dad (whose name, according to IMDb, is improbably spelled "Zeek,") lays on the ground chatting to him about Adam's son Max's upcoming baseball game. "I'm gonna be there with bells on," Zeek says. Adam, still prone on the ground, says that yeah, the thing is, Max is a nervous kid and Zeek seems to be making him even more nervous about the game. "Well, you were sensitive, too," Zeek tells Adam. "And I cured you." Ugh. Adam tells him that if he is going to come to the game, he needs to be calm. "It's important that Max feels a... calmness," he says, and takes another phone call while Zeek shakes his head, obviously not on board with this calmness thing. This time it's Adam's wife, Kristina (the supercute Monica Potter). She has some unsurprising news to report about the game: Max refuses to put on his uniform and does not want to go. "The game's in an hour, Kristina," Adam says, clearly frustrated. "He has to go, I'm the coach." Kristina: "I don't know what to tell ya, it's a non-starter." Adam, still under the house, pipe-snake in hand, has to take a deep breath. I feel for the man. If this was real, the noxious fumes he just breathed in would have caused instant blindness. "I'll be right over," he says, and hangs up. Immediately, Zeek starts hassling him. How someone could withstand hassling from a man for whom you are doing the ultimate dirty job, I don't know, and while Zeek harasses him about hurrying up with the pipe so that he can rush home and force his son to play baseball, the pipe becomes more than metaphorical, dumping the shit of the whole family right onto Adam's shoulders.

I pray to God he has showered by the time he goes to speak with his son, who is drowning his sorrows with a major Lego binge. Adam sweetly assures Max that he doesn't have to play baseball after this season, but that he wants him to give it a chance, "because it meant a lot to me when I was a kid." Um, spurious reasoning, at best. When this self-centered tug at the heartstrings unsurprisingly fails, he looks over his shoulder to make sure Kristina isn't listening, and brings out the big guns. "All right, after the game, why don't we go have some ice cream?" he says to Max, who has not looked at him a single time. "Double scoop. And when I say double scoop, what I really mean is triple scoop." Bingo.

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Parenthood

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