On The Lot
Episode 7

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | Grade It Now!
Episode 7

Many thanks to Joe R for covering for me on last week's offering. Also, many additional thanks to my sister for having a birthday that fell on a Tuesday, so that I had an excuse to take a break from this preposterous show. So! Surprisingly, the show doesn't screw around in introducing the five directors that will be competing against each other tonight. Of course, anyone who's been watching would know that these are the only contestants left for this round, but I still expected the show to try to manufacture some "suspense" anyway. The credits have been pared down again (to...fourteen, oh my God are they kidding here?) and then there's a rewind of last week, which is of course irrelevant since we won't be losing anyone until the end of the hour. Except no! Adrianna boots Marty not ten minutes in, which is both unexpected and well-deserved. Carrie gives him a nicer and more practically useful sendoff than is warranted, and then Wes Craven shows up as the guest judge (okay, I'm kind of psyched about this one) and sees these offerings:

Will: Glass Eye, about a guy who loses his glass eye, only to realize that he can see life in a whole new way. Will tells us that his wife was the producer, production designer, and wrote the vocals for the song. Also, Will's dog is one of the main actors, prompting this line: "You can pretty much do anything you want in this world with a little bit of peanut butter and a lot of time." Given that quote in conjunction with the dog, I'd think that Will's short is going to be the onscreen version of a tasteless urban legend, except this isn't Showtime and he isn't Angela. Will tells us that he has a "one in thirteen chance" of getting a development deal, and not only is he insanely bugging me with the inane compulsory odds-mentioning, but his math is also suspect, given that eight people are a round ahead of him, and also that this show is surely so soon to be canceled. Anyway, over the strains of Will's wife singing Rigoletto, this philatelist puts in his glass eye, but then inadvertently knocks it out in swatting an insect on his face. While trying to retrieve the eye, he discovers that by covering the socket, he can see in color, whereas he previously could only see in black and white. Then wacky hijinks ensue when his dog steals the eye and swallows it, and he waits for the dog to crap it out. A reasonably promising start went completely off the rails, there, as the color thing became completely irrelevant and gave way to a poop joke. Stupid.

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On The Lot




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