On The Lot
Episode 6

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Episode 6

Okay, so like the rest of America, I haven’t been watching this show. I haven't been watching this show partly because Sars told me, "Dude, don't watch that show." So I promise to do the best I can, but if I screw something up, email Couch Baron about it. So as Adrianna Costa says (in that strange halting manner she has where her body dry-heaves at every third word), the five directors from last week await their fate from the public vote, while five more directors will present their films this week, and the remaining five will do absolutely nothing for the second week in a row. Carrie Fisher's face-lift and Garry Marshall borscht-belt are joined this week by David Frankel, who directed not only The Devil Wears Prada, but also two episodes of Entourage and the TV movie about those Pennsylvania mine workers. Eeeeeeee! ...What, not that kind of show? I just figured because it was on FOX...okay, my bad.

We get a rehash of last week in the guise of seeing who the judges and contestants think are in danger of being eliminated tonight. I get the supreme joy of seeing Michael Bay tell someone else, "they're laughing at you and not with you." Hilary and Trever seem to be the popular choices among the filmmakers for who will be going home. Trever, in particular, and from a half-second's worth of footage, takes this criticism remarkably well. Back onstage, Adrianna reveals that Adam, Shalini, and Sam are safe, so hold on to your asses, people: Hilary and Trever are the bottom two. Adrianna then attempts to Seacrest us into thinking she's eliminating one of them right now, but of course we won't find out until the end of the show.

First to show a film tonight is Andrew, who, Adrianna reminds us, gave us "drunken, vomiting aliens" last time. In his video package, he tells us he took time away from planning his wedding to make this movie, and it's the best thing he's ever done. It's called "Polished," and it's about a shlubby, kind of deranged-looking janitor who is constantly ignored, snubbed, and taken for granted by the people at the office building where he works. So he takes his revenge by polishing up the cafeteria floor so slickly that when the stampeding horde arrives for the free burgers he's advertised, they fly fakely across the room and injure themselves. Uh...the end. Carrie's two facial muscles that still move say she liked the underdog aspect and compares it to a silent film. Frankel says it's not Andrew's best film, and more akin to a commercial than a film, and I see that we've adopted the Idol tactic of prompting the audience to boo at any and all criticism, only it's piped in even more fakely here, and I never thought that was possible. Garry thought the theme of revenge was a good one for a comedy, though he didn't like the music. He also wonders where the janitor got all those hamburgers, and while my nagging thought was how he kept everyone out of the caf until lunch, I'm kind of concerned that Garry Marshall and I are on the same wavelength when it comes to nitpicking short films about super-waxed floors.

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On The Lot




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