Off the Map

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C- | Grade It Now!
My Anaconda Don't Want None Unless You Got Respect for the Locals, Hon'
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, three young punk doctors with vague-to-specific emotional damage were recruited to a remote jungle clinic despite their severe lack of language skills and were subsequently subjected to about nine thousand pronouncements about how medicine (and LIFE!) is different in the jungle.

This week begins with Lily -- though since this is a Shonda Rhimes show where everyone refers to each other like they're playing intramural flag football, I suppose it's instructive to know that her last name is "Brenner" -- getting a 5AM wakeup call from a hollering rooster somewhere, then turning her head to find a mean-looking spider on the pillow adjacent to her. At, like, eye level. She bolts and heads for the shower, where Tommy ("Fuller," but we'll be calling him "Plastics" upon decree of Dr. Cole) is giggling it up with the Bavarian chippie he brought home from the cantina last night. Lily meekly suggests that Plastics is violating the shower schedule she posted (because, again, we're in Shondaland, so there must be some kind of domestic haggling over girl-boy-girl living arrangements). Plastics, unflagging in his dopey Matt-Saracen-with-a-boner grin, is like, "Cool, let's talk later!"

Lily then heads off to grouse about this turn of events to Mina ("Menard," though we all know it's really "Streep"), who is scrubbing her face in the sink and complaining that even though Plastics's the whore, they're the ones having to bathe like hookers. Lily gets distracted by Mina's chicken -- the one she was given last week by that old lady who never breathed before -- but Mina's all matter of fact about how yup, that's her chicken now. Though she's named it "Dinner," which is either cool Mina-type irony or it bodes ill for the little thing's future. Anyway, Lily's slightly uncomfortable with her morning routine being fucked up by sex showers and free-range chicken pets -- she admits that she doesn't do great with change. Mina notes that the fact that she brought her cell phone with her kind of backs that statement up. "Does it even work out here?" she asks. Lily explains that there are some things on it that she doesn't want to get rid of, including a text message that she reads every morning. Mina takes a look: "Smile. Don't kill anyone." (Pause for audience to applaud episode title.) Lily thinks it's sound advice for a doctor. (Yeah, but is it sound advice for a doctor In The Jungle?) Mina notes it's not bad advice for new roommates either.

Zee is tending to her garden when Dr. Cole shows up with sno cones from the new shaved ice cart (and once again endearingly greeting her as "Loca"). Clearly, he's here to try to seduce her with cool ice and sugar water -- he says he was looking for her last night to take a walk out to the ocean. She sweetly brushes him off -- and clearly this isn't the first time -- saying that they work together and it wouldn't be a good idea. "So?" Cole asks, incredulous. "We're not going to get fired! There's no HR department In The Jungle." (Okay, but there is a shaved ice cart. It's not quite the dark side of the moon.) He notes that she keeps calling him "Lindo," which he says means "hot" (she clarifies that it's more "cute," like a puppy), but she tells him she's not budging. "Come on," he coaxes, "you know you want a piece of this imperialist American ass." Ugh. Almost. Almost one cute scene right up 'til the end there.

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Off the Map




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