Off the Map

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Joe R: C | Grade It Now!
On the Mean Streets of San Miguel

Back at La Clinica, Mina comes to find Dr. Cole staring at the foot of a sleeping Abuelito's bed. She asks Cole if he knew him well, and Cole tells a quick story about Abuelito bringing one of his students to him. The kid was in anaphylactic shock, and Abuelito carried him the whole way to the clinic, saving his life. So no, Cole says, his slight smile disappearing, "I didn't know him at all." Mina asks what's going to happen, and Cole says they're sending a MedEvac for him tomorrow. "So he'll go on trial?" Mina asks. "In theory," Cole says. In practice, between the compromised airway and the anemia, he doubts Abuelito will make it through the night.

Back to Plastics and His Terrible No-Good Very Bad Boner Patient. Alma is peppering Elan with questions, because it seems Elan refuses to tell her what's wrong with him. Because it's humiliating when your wiener won't work right. She keeps asking, and he keeps yelling at her to shut up. Plastics, as you can imagine, isn't happy to see the girl he's crushing on tied to such a crappy boyfriend. When Elan finally yells at Alma to leave, Plastics affixes him with a judgy, "Dude..." Elan tells him to mind his own business. Outside, on the walkway, Plastics catches up with Mina and starts motormouthing about how "novio" means "Alma's jackass boyfriend," and how it's killing him to see her with this "d-bag with a giant penis," though the "giant" part is only because of the spider bite, and I say now who's being naïve, Plastics? Now who's being naïve? Mina's barely paying attention, of course, and when Plastics asks why, she says, "My patient is literally a Nazi," at which point Plastics is like, "Godwin's Law! You win! AND LOSE!"

Mina's Nazi bomb is interrupted by Abuelito's monitors going off. His stitches have come open, and Mina and a nurse scramble to get his head elevated. Clark soon joins them, and Mina tells her she's prepping for an emergency ... sounds like "trach"? Tracheotomy? Abuelito is croaking to just let him die, and Clark's like, "Dude, he's refusing treatment, WTF?" She says they should just give him morphine and let him go peacefully, but Mina is adamant, and it's pretty apparent why. She wants him to live long enough to see judgment. Clark says that's not her decision to make, blah, blah, blah: Stand-off! Mina says she can do this herself, and she and the nurse wheel Abuelito away to the OR, leaving Dr. Clark to love Nazis some more.

Plastics greets Alma with an "hola," which certainly is a start, language-wise. But he then proceeds to ramble on in English about things like doctor-patient confidentiality and why he can't tell her about Elan's ailment. He does close with "lo siento," which I guess brings the point home to her. Alma takes Plastics' hand at this, which is enough for him to start on again in English about how he can treat Elan medically, but he can't make him treat her the way she deserves to be treated, puppy love, et cetera. Zee happens upon this and is having none of it. She calls Plastics aside and -- after he leaves Alma with the sentiment that it "doesn't have to be me, but it shouldn't be him" -- she proceeds to disabuse him of the notion that Alma is a poor little native girl who needs saving from her terrible South American boyfriend. She tends bar at the cantina because her parents own it, so there goes his patriarchal fantasy. In fairness, I'm not sure Plastics has thought too far beyond how cute Alma is, at this point. "South American blow-up dolls don't exist," she sums up, slamming her chart into his chest. They ... probably do. I mean, law of averages and all.

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Off the Map




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