Welcome To New York

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Welcome To New York

No nudity again? What the hell is going on!

A street montage lead us around some not-very-gritty streets, a battalion of flags, and a fancy apartment building complete with a doorman -- a very un-gritty doorman, to be exact. He looks very neat in his uniform and little hat. Sip, Greg and Ricky look a little out of place, all squinty and hard-core. The doorman's very concerned about a missing, "very in-touch" tenant, Walter Good. Walter has no family except for a "smart-ass, piss-pot nephew, who said he's probably up at the Hamptons banging another twenty-two-year-old guy." What fun. Greg says, "His new taupe Mercedes is missing." Sip's eyes narrow as he repeats, "'Taupe'?" Ricky leans in conspiratorially, sounding not unlike Martha Stewart as he says, "Taupe, it's a color, kind of like beige." Sips bobbles his head back and forth like, oh, taupe, another fancy new thing for these people! Why is my life so drab and simple? Curses! I must run out and but the latest issue of In Style! Then Sip asks, "Is the apartment done in taupe too? Because we may need to take a look at that." Greg and Ricky giggle -- in excitement? Perhaps. The doorman says the apartment was undisturbed. Ricky points out that the doorman is taking a lot of initiative, and the doorman says he was worried sick as he leads them to the empty parking space and says, "There's something right there." Sip bends down and examines a clotted bloody clump down on the driver's side of the asphalt. Sip starts getting steamed as he says, "Did you see this blood and hair here?" The doorguy says, "Yes." Sip asks if he thinks the doorguy should have "conveyed that part of his head occupied his parking space" rather than that the missing guy's car was taupe. The doorguy stupidly says, "That's when I deduced foul play." Sip, in fine sarcastic form, says, "You suspected foul play from some blood and hair and little bits of brain matter? You may be in the wrong line of work!" The doorguy, perfect straight man, goes, "Good! I think I'm gonna be looking for a job!" The only thing more perfect than the setup for that line is the withering look Sip shoots him following its delivery.

Woosh! Bloosh! Subway rushing! Credits rolling!

In case you didn't know New York City was gritty, check out these street shots of a cement mixer and a lady with Manic Panic-ed hair. Gritty, huh? Huh? Now, the station house. Di's headed up the steps and runs into a family having a drink at the water fountain. They all stop and look at Diane like she's a museum exhibit. Looky here, a detective! Di's like, "Can I help you?" The daughter is red-haired with very fair eyebrows, and the mom looks like Sissy Spacek. The dad seems hardy enough, but the whole family lacks the necessary grit it takes to live in New York. You can tell just by looking at them. The dad speaks: "Something terrible happened to our daughter. Anya. She was attacked." Di leads them in and asks John to see if the parents want some coffee from downstairs while she interviews the daughter. The mom says, "We need to be with her!" Di asks how old Anya is and before she can answer, the mom says, "Twenty-three." Di says that since Anya is not a minor her parents are not required to be with her but she can make an exception. Anya speaks and says, "Not if it interferes with procedure." Di takes her into the coffee room and Kirky tries to tell the parents they'll be close enough just sitting outside.

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