These Shoots Are Made For Joaquin

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These Shoots Are Made For Joaquin

This warning only features adult language. Where's the nudity, people? Don't let me down!

Previously on NYPD Blue, Don got tossed in jail and browbeat Kirky. Fancy choked Don and thus saved Kirky's ass. In a real bout of pot-calling-the-kettle-bottled-up, Ricky told Mary that Sip doesn't know what's going on inside of himself! I guess it takes one to know one, Rickmeister! Then he and Mary went and did it. Again.

The camera waves us over in fits and starts to a gritty-looking apartment building. An interior shot reveals that it's Diane's super nice bachelorette pad. What's that -- a fireplace? Shit, maybe I should become a New York City cop. Or is Diane independently wealthy or something? Anyway, there's a knock on the door and its Kirky. She's -- hold on -- bummed out about Don. "I don't know what to do about Don," she says. Um, how about letting him rot in jail, for starters! Di offers Kirky some water and Kirky asks, "Are you going to throw it on me?" Mention Don again and I will, says Di. Just kidding. Neither of them heard anything about Don's arrest in the news -- a good sign. Kirky plops down in one of Di's lovely armchairs and says, "I feel like I'm on a wheel in a cage. I guess that makes me the rat." Di asks, "Why are you the rat?" Kirky says, "I made him the father of my boys. I loved him. He was always in trouble. I loved that too." Oh man, someone get a copy of Smart Women, Foolish Choices and beat Kirky with it until she gets that THIS ISN'T HER FAULT. Don is a bum. Period. So, Kirky can't decide what to tell the boys, and Di suggests saying nothing for the time being, and touches Kirky's knee. The camera waves over to Di, to Di's hand on Kirky's knee to Kirky in movements so linear there could have been lines connected between all three points. Kirky busts out with some insight, and says, "I don't get how Don has people going crazy over him, and Bobby is dead." Yeah -- it never stops being clear (to ME, anyway) that life is totally unfair. So Di straps on her gun and the two go to work together, totally demoralized. Great way to start the day! Good thing this isn't an orange juice commercial or something!

Woosh! Bloosh! A subway train is rushing towards the screen! The drums are tribal! The keyboards, mournful!

Okay, the camera waves us all around a crime scene. There's uniformed cops, gawkers, a burly mustachioed man sitting of an apartment building's steps...finally Sip and Ricky roll up in their car. A uniform tells Sip what's happening: A man was shot in front of his wife and children while watching TV in his home. The uniform introduces mustache man to Sip and Ricky; he's the victim's brother and heard the shots. His name is Joaquin Enrique, and Sip goes, "Zshwa-KEEN??" like he's never heard of Joaquin Phoenix or something. "Just say Joe," says the burly Joaquin. "I came out and saw some prick running and pulled some shots with my 38." Ricky says, all interested, "Did you hit him?" Could be, says Joaquin. The suspect tripped and fell. Then the uniform is all, oh, and we got the shotgun. NOW you tell us, yells Sip. Joaquin didn't get a good look at the suspect ("I only saw him from the back") and he tells Sip and Ricky that sometimes the DOA loaned money out on the side. Ricky muses, "Shot in broad daylight, nothing taken...looks personal." Sip says, "Maybe someone wanted to cancel a loan." The two Blue cops head in and Joaquin calls to them, "Will I get my 38 back?" Ricky cracks, "Yeah, if we don't lose it." Is that joke supposed to make up for the firefighters-stealing-stuff-off-corpses-plot line?

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