MONDO EXTRAS

Lucky 7: Pilot Review

by Ethan Alter September 25, 2013
Lucky 7: Pilot Review

A No. 7 Queens-bound MTA train rumbles along a set of elevated tracks, the Manhattan skyline looming in the background. Briefly, we hope/speculate/dream that Lucky 7 will actually be a modern-day public transport remake of Supertrain, where a New York City subway train boasting a gym, a disco and an always-helpful staff spreads luck and good cheer to the residents of the city's most regal borough. But 'tis not to be, as the camera whip-pans from the 7 train to the street below, where a car chase is in mid-progress. A Pitbull-looking dude (the rapper, not the canine) is at the wheel, spinning the wheel wildly like he's Popeye Doyle and this is The French Connection. Next to him in the shotgun seat isn't a Roy Scheider-type, but rather a poor man's James Marsden (which is pretty poor indeed). "Just give it to 'em, Nicky!" PMJM protests, but Not!Pitbull is having none of it, snarling, "Sons of bitches! Over my dead body!" "Keep driving like that and it'll happen," PMJM replies, a rejoinder that the real Popeye Doyle would have responded to by shoving his ass out of the car.

Anyhow, the chase continues. Screech, screech, swerve, swerve... all that stuff. Now the cops have joined in, but before we see how that element affects Not!Pitbull and PMJM, we cut away to a stationary vehicle where a middle-aged mechanic is finishing a brake-pad tune-up. Exiting the car, he walks up to the car's owner, a sweet little old lady, who is brandishing a newspaper and expressing her disbelief that her friendly neighborhood brake-pad tuner-upper was pictured with the city's Mayor! (Who, by the way, looks nothing like Michael Bloomberg or either of his potential replacements. Apparently, you've gotta be Larry David to get Hizzoner on your show.) She asks for his signature on the paper, while wondering why he's fixing cars for a living. "I'm an international man of mystery -- this is just my cover," he jokes and again, we hope/speculate/dream that he's telling the truth, because a show about an international man of mystery who moonlights as a mechanic sounds boss ("His name is Lucky 7. His expertise is… danger. Also, carburetors."). Their little bonding moment is shattered by the sounds of that pesky car chase and, indeed, there goes Not!Pitbull and PMJM's car, still trying to shake off the various pursuers on their tail. Eventually, PMJM stops trying to reason with Not!Pitbull and picks up the very thing they're being chased for: a bag filled with dolla dolla bills, y'all. He hoists the bag through the open sunroof and the cash goes flying into the air, falling to Earth like super-expensive rain. This is the most money Queens has seen since Prince Akeem came to America.

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