When One Door Closes…

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 14 USERS: A
The First Authentic Anything
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!


Business manager Jeff suddenly realized Harry's restaurant was close to burning out, and Harry was very in denial about all of it. Karen Kim took advantage of her deposition to confess to everything stupid-ass she has done over the course of the show -- grossing everybody out, particularly business partner Jacob Pollack -- for no real reason except to piss off the Widow Grey. And good old Joss sent her relationship with Alex down in glorious flames. Oh, and Lucy has disappeared.


Cops: "Try to stay calm, Mrs. Malloy."
April: "You stay calm! You!"

April, of course, smashes her way into Paul's ghostly motel room: Occam's Razor and her soap opera life both agree that obviously her dead husband is a kidnapper of children also, and the next time she sees her daughter she will have different-colored hair and be going by some new name and barely remember April existed because of brainwashing. I am not really exaggerating: April goes from zero to sixty pretty fast most of the time, it's true, but the way she fast-forwards through this entire "misplaced my eight-year-old" part straight to "it's so sad that Lucy is dead" is particularly astonishing.

Paul: "Why are you smashing into my ghost motel?"
April: "Where is my daughter?"
Paul: "I don't know? Where is our daughter?"
April: "I don't know! I am going to beat your ass!"
Paul: "I mean, feel free to look around the ghost motel."
April: "She's not here! Sometimes she is invisible!"
Paul: "Instead of acting weird in my motel, we could also go look for her."
April: "It is Miranda Nickelby! She has kidnapped our daughter!"
Paul: "That makes even less sense. You need to slow your roll and think for real."
April: "Okay, the facts are that I don't know where Lucy is. That's pretty much what's going on."

See, you should have called Richard and sent him over there to rough Paul up again, because he loves that shit, and meanwhile you could drive all around looking for Disney events in town, and not have to deal with any of this.

But for all the ways this is a great episode, there are a few cheap leaps and jumps -- in particularly the April storyline -- that are pretty hard to swallow. The endpoint is: How can we get April to fuck Paul by the end of the episode?

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