Masters of Sex
Standard Deviation

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 39 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Roughing It
Maureen: "Yeah, my husband's a Rockefeller. I only come here for the coffee."
Gini: "His brain doesn't work like that. You need to tell him you're kidding or he'll write it down."

A hooker named Dottie gets five dates a day, on a great day, so that's her frequency of coitus, but first we have to explain what coitus means, and so on. When Maureen eventually gets ahold of Ulysses, I imagined there would be a sound like Excalibur being pulled from the Stone.

A hooker named Ginger gets on all fours and requests that Dr. Masters -- who puts on gloves for this part -- spank the hell out of her so she can have an orgasm:

Ginger: "Tell the doc I'm not made of glass, willya?"
Gini: "Uh, Ginger is not made of glass. Also, this is just about as good as life gets."
Masters: "Uh, why does this work for you?"
Ginger: "By the time the Nineties roll around you'd get pilloried for just asking that question because everybody will have a kink that they buy off the shelf and everybody will think sex is this thing that comes in different flavors and shades every single year like clockwork. Dan Savage will have arrived to inform you that any discussion of sexual historicity or psychology is implicitly shameful and damaging, and therefore offensive, because personal fetishes just come to you from the heavens, wrapped in a blanket, by a feminist stork, so it's not okay to ask. But since it's 1958, I can tell you the honest truth that it is because I am fucked up about sex. Look around you, sir. Look where you are. We have not been treated well on our way to this house."

04:22 LATER

Maureen has an orgasm as big as a Walmart, with bells and whistles and fireworks and moments of suspense, and a chick on a swing like at a steakhouse, and a marching band led by three spangled drum majors who are also having orgasms.

Maureen: "That was some very good orgasming I just did, you guys."
Gini: "Uh, the needle never moved, though."
Bill: "We just sat through almost five minutes of you faking an orgasm?"
Maureen: "Job hazard. Maybe I do not understand what it is you're trying to do. But either way, Momma gets paid."

HOSPITAL

Ethan spots a giantly pregnant lady in the hallway, and then he spots her going down. I will tell you right now that this lady is pregnant with quadruplets. Can you imagine? Quadruplets in 1958. That is crazy. That's like instant fame.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next

Masters of Sex

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP