Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 15 USERS: A+
I Once Was Lost, But Now Am Found

Finally, Faucke and newly Jacobized Jack come face to face. Faucke: "So it's you? [...] Jacob, being who he is -- I expected to be a little more surprised. You're sort of the obvious choice, don't you think?" The two-headed Darlton-beast pops its furry heads out of the jungle to do the Dance of Intra-textually Deflected Criticism. Jack makes sure to point out he wasn't chosen; he volunteered. Faucke knows Jack's there to stop him. Jack acknowledges he can't. "In fact, I wanna go with you." Faucke: "I'm sorry, Jack. I think you're a little confused about what I came here to do." Jack knows well enough that Faucke is a glowhole hound. Just because he's just been knighted Human Chastity Belt doesn't mean Jack's above a little trash talk, though. "You think you're going to destroy the island." Faucke: "I think?" Jack says yeah, but it's so not going down like that: "I'm gonna kill you." Desmond, Ben, Sawyer, and Kate all play Look at the balls on Doc. Faucke: "How do you plan to do that?" Jack: "That's a surprise." Pony ride!

Sideways; St. Sebastian's: Juliet and Jack meet up and are all smiles and doctor - doctor to each other. Right after he gives her the tickets to that night's big concert, David joins them and asks about the very same tickets. Jack gets to be our anti-climax boy: "I just gave 'em to your mom." Darlton, being what it is -- I expected to be a little more surprised. That's sort of the obvious choice, don't you think? Nah. I'm so satisfied with this and I'll get to that later, I promise. Juliet hands the tickets to David, who asks Jack: "Who is going to take yours?" Jack suggests they take Auntie Claire. That's fine with Juliet, because this divorce is better than most marriages. "In fact, I'm very curious to meet this mysterious sister you never mentioned the entire time we were married." Jack: "Well, I'm sure you're going to love her. She's extremely pregnant." They laugh together and make me reconsider my long-standing quadrangle division picks (Jack/Kate; Juliet/Sawyer). Stop that, you two. There's not enough time. Seeming to hear me, Juliet puts her arm around her son's shoulder and they head toward the elevator, bless her. I mean, I'm used to Kate and Sawyer messing with my heart weekly; I don't need it from Juliet and Jack, too. When the door opens, Detective James Ford exits. He doesn't seem to notice Juliet. I find the dynamite I squirreled away from the Black Rock and try to blow myself to kingdom come, but the Island isn't done with me, yet. Meanwhile, James asks at the desk for Sun Paik's room.

Sidebar; Jungle: Sawyer wants to know what lethal surprise Jack has in store for Faucke. Jack explains: he thinks Desmond is a weapon. Sawyer rolls his eyes. "That is a Hell of a long con, Doc." Granted, the boys are bringing up the rear, but I still hope Faucke's hearing is shot from all the ticka ticka rattle clanking.

When they reach the bamboo grove, Faucke draws his knife and says he thinks it's time for him, Desmond and Jack to take it from there. He then sheaths his knife again, and the useless action pulls me out of the moment. As Des and Jack start off after Faucke, Hurley hustles to catch up. "Jack!" Jack turns as I'm screaming at Hurley to stay put with Sawyer, Kate and Ben, because in that group, he's the last person anyone would kill. When I stop, Hurley looks up at Jack: "I believe in you, dude." This is the 4th time I cry.

As thunder rumbles a way off, Faucke looks up. "Gonna be a bad one." THIS IS FORESHADOWING THAT THEY'RE NOT OFF TO FIND PUPPIES AND LOLLIPOPS.

When they reach the stream in front of the glow cave, Faucke announces: "We're here," and proceeds to anchor a length of rope to a nearby tree. Over by the mouth of the cave, Jack ties the other end around Desmond, who tells him, "This doesn't matter, you know." Audience: Excuse me?! Jack: "Excuse me?" Des: "Him destroying the island, you destroying him. It doesn't matter. I mean, you're gonna lower me into that light, and I'm gonna go somewhere else -- a place where we can be with the ones we love, and not have to ever think about this damn island again." SPOILERS, DES. "And you know the best part, Jack? [...] You're in this place. You know, we sat next to each other on Oceanic 815. It never crashed. We spoke to each other. You seemed happy. You know, maybe I can find a way to bring you there too." Jack eyeballs Des, looking for his flask of MacCutcheon's, but it's too well hidden, so he decides to play along with the crazy Scot. "Desmond, I tried that once. There are no shortcuts, no do-overs. What happened, happened. Trust me. I know. All of this matters." Faucke puts on his best Cary Grant: "Shall we?" The light is dimmer than it was the last time he entered this cave in his first human body. The stream, now split in two, is shallower, more gentle. Des and Jack lead the way until they reach the waterfall that leads to the light. Commercial.

Sideways; Night: Sayid and Hugo sit in the SUV, staking out some dive bar. Sayid wants answers, but Hugo says he's not allowed to give them. "There are rules, dude." Sayid: "Whose rules?" Hugo: "Don't worry about it. Just trust me, okay? I trust you." Sayid can't imagine why he would. Hugo: "I think you're a good guy, Sayid. You know, a lot of people have told you that you're not. Maybe you've heard it so may times you started believing it. You can't let other people tell you what you are, dude. You have to decide that for yourself." Sayid: "I'm sorry. You clearly don't know anything about me." Hugo's eyes light up. "I know a lot about you, dude." This is the fifth time I cry.

Soon, two men come out and start fighting. One punches the other and throws him into the gutter. They're joined by a leggy blonde woman who screams, "Hey, leave my brother alone." I don't have to pretend it's not Shannon, right? Okay. It's Shannon, which must mean it's also Boone (in the gutter -- alas, poor Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity; don't fret, child, you'll do much better on The Vampire Diaries).

When the bad guy pushes Shannon down into a pile of trash, Sayid bursts out of the Hummer, overpowers him and reaches out to Shannon. When they touch, they flash back to their (brief, yeah, I know, I'll hit that later) time together on the island. Once he helps her to her feet, Shannon achieves awareness, first. "Sayid." He's right there with her. "Shannon."

As the couple kisses, we cut to Hugo and Boone, over at the gas guzzler. Boone: "I just got pounded, man. Thanks for taking your sweet time." Hugo shrugs. "It takes as long as it takes." Boone: "It was a pain in the ass getting her here from Australia." Hugo: "Yeah, but dude, it was worth it." We cut to Sayid and Shannon making out, which I believe means they agree with Hugo. Boone squints. "Should I go get them?" Hugo watches the couple as he thinks it over. "Nah, let's give them a minute." As Boone nods and laughs we cut to Shannon, who is eating Sayid's face. Can you blame her?

Islandways: Impotent, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley and Ben wait on the edge of the bamboo forest. Finally, Miles breaks their silence via walkie-talkie. "Linus, are you there?" He tells the Jack-o-bites that he, Frank and Richard just got to Hydra and are on their way to the plane. Ben cautions him not to blow it up. Miles explains they're not going to; they're going to fly it off the island. "Just get over here, now." Their conversation is cut short by poor, crazy Claire who fires warning shots too close for comfort. That pretty much terminates Miles' end of the conversation, but not before Kate hears enough to (finally) remember (again) why she came back to Craphole. Claire is afraid Faucke sent Miles, Richard and Frank to kill her. Richard does hi

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