Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | Grade It Now!
Dear Diary: Aaaaiiiieeeee!

Walt shows up by Locke's fire; Locke immediately tells him that Mercutio doesn't want them spending time together. "He's not the boss of me," says Walt. Locke doesn't point out that Mercutio is, in point of fact, the boss of Walt, but he does say, "But he's your father, and he cares about you, and you need to show him respect." He tells Walt not to come to him anymore. Just then, a furious Mercutio stomps up, yelling, "Dammit! What is wrong with you?" At first it sounds like he's yelling at Walt, but I think he's actually yelling at Locke. Locke tries the ridiculously lame excuse that he was just giving Walt a pencil to give to Mercutio, as a "peace offering," and we actually get a stupid close-up of the stupid pencil. Mercutio leans in really close to Locke and growls, "I catch you with my son again, I'll kill you." Locke ponders this and, I think wisely, decides not to keep pushing an angry father's buttons. He leaves. Shannon and Jack take this all in, as does Walt, who loudly calls his father a jerk. Mercutio argues that he's just looking out for Walt, and Walt complains that Mercutio doesn't care about him, and never did, and only came for him after his mom died. And when Walt tries the ol' "You ain't my father" routine, Mercutio's face gets really hard. "You want to hate me? You want to punish me for something I can't change? Fine. But you will listen to me." He throws Walt's comic book on the fire (bringing to my mind stories my dad would tell of his father throwing comic books in the furnace to settle sibling fights. To hear my dad tell it, my grandfather burned up hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of old comic books). The book's open to the picture of the giant polar bear, and Walt watches it burn for a moment before turning back to Mercutio, who says, "Now, you get over there, and you stay over there. Now!" ("There" being the caves' equivalent of Walt's room.) Walt does as he's told, and Mercutio stares at the burning comic book himself, and we go into flashback mode.

Mercutio's sketching a heavily bandaged man in a hospital bed. He's much more bandaged up than Mercutio himself, who's in a hospital, in a wheelchair with his leg in a cast -- although I supposed this could have been a rendition of Mercutio immediately after the accident. A nurse compliments the drawing, which Mercutio says is for his son, who's going to be two next week (and thus we learn this is about three months after the accident, since Walt was 21 months old at that time). And the nurse grills Mercutio on whether he ever gets to visit Walt, and Mercutio points out that he had a little run-in with a car. When Mercutio says he never knows what to write, the wise nurse suggests a joke. "What kind of joke?" asks Mercutio suspiciously, as if maybe she's suggesting he send a few dirty limericks to his two-year-old son. She gives him "What's black and white and red all over? A penguin with a sunburn," which she promises will absolutely kill, and she should know because she's the mother of four kids. Now that she's finished her contribution to Mercutio's "I really wanted to be an excellent father" backstory, she leaves, and we hear, "Hello, Mercutio." It's Baby-Mama, looking nicely turned out in lawyer-wear. And we finally learn her name: Susan. She says she finally called Andy since she hadn't heard from Mercutio for three months, and she chastises him for not telling her about his accident. Uh, it took three months of not hearing from her son's father to wonder if something was wrong? Get bent, Susan. Mercutio says he was reluctant to call after the fun times of their last conversation (he's speaking here not of the accident but of finding out that Susan was seeing someone). She apologizes for that. And Mercutio's briefly excited at the thought that she brought Walt, but she left him back at home. "With Bryan," says Mercutio. Well, yeah.

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