Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | Grade It Now!
Dear Diary: Aaaaiiiieeeee!

Amazingly, the Coca-Cola polar bear has not actually eaten Walt yet. Walt's still yelling for his dad, and finally Walt hears his dad yell back. And where is dear ol' Dad? Well, he's with Locke, carefully walking along a tree that's helpfully collapsed so that people can rescue their wayward children. Isn't that lucky! Locke and Mercutio walk right over top of the Coca-Cola polar bear into the top of the magical grove of shelter. And oh, sure, now that Walt's being attacked by a polar bear, it's okay for him to use a knife! Mercutio gets Locke to toss him one of the big ones, and then he drops it down to Walt, telling him to use it if the polar bear gets near (thanks for the tip, Dad). Locke also tosses Mercutio a rope, and he climbs down, while Walt actually stabs the polar bear in the paw. Yeah, I'm buying this. While the bear's gone, presumably to put a little mercurochrome on that cut, Mercutio ties the rope around Walt, so Locke can haul him up. "What about you?" yells Walt, and Mercutio tells him not to worry about it. Locke hauls Walt up, but the polar bear's back, and there's gonna be trouble. Or so we're supposed to believe. Commercials.

So this turns out to be not such a big deal either, because Mercutio jabs at the polar bear and manages to get it, and it roars a bit and stomps off, probably to go tobogganing. Mercutio climbs the tree up to the top, where he and Walt hug, and Walt apologizes. Mercutio says everyone's okay, so he's just glad Walt's safe. Puss. My dad would still have torn a strip off me: "You see? This is why you listen to me! So we don't get eaten by polar bears!" (Note: I grew up in the Yukon and Northwest Territories, so this is actually true.) Walt says Vincent ran away, and Locke tells him not to worry, because Vincent's already found his way back to Walt once. Yeah, but what good is Vincent if he cuts and runs at the first sign of trouble? Walt was this close to being in the polar bear's belly, and Vincent is off somewhere licking himself? No thanks, Vincent. You suck. And Locke and Mercutio look at each other and give each other a Tight-Lipped Smile and Manly Nod of Truce.

That night, back at camp, Mercutio says he has a present for Walt, who likes art so damn much, and he hauls out the box of letters -- every letter, every card that he sent Walt for eight years. "You wrote me?" says Walt. "I never saw these." Mercutio says nothing, obviously deciding that badmouthing Walt's mom won't win him any points. Walt wonders why his mom never gave them to him. Mercutio doesn't know, but gallantly points out that Susan did save them, so some part of her did want Walt to have them. Well, how big of her. "So, you drew these," says Walt. Mercutio says he did, and pulls out the Hallmark rip-off card with the sunburned penguin on it and says he did that one for Walt's second birthday. "A penguin with a sunburn?" says Walt skeptically, reading the card. "That's dumb." Like, Walt's dad saves him from a polar bear and he still can't laugh at the old man's jokes?

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