Raised By Another

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: A | Grade It Now!
I Can See How Ugly She'll Be When She's Old (The Psychic's Lament)
Charlie follows Claire like a puppy dog. "You don't like me, Charlie, you just want to rescue me," she replies. "But I don't need rescuing." Then she gasps and grabs her stomach. Heads up, Charlie! She's about to drop a bomb on you!

Commercials. When did Ty the Carpenter become like America's Life-Changing Messiah? He even makes a trip to Sears seem like a bolt from the blue.

Claire and Charlie inna jungle. Charlie is freaking out. "We need to time the contractions!" he shouts. "One sugar plum fairy, two sugar plum fairy..." Heh. I like to imagine that Lynne E. Litt heard a British person count seconds in this manner once and wrote this entire episode around the concept. Charlie claims he can deliver the baby himself. Claire tells him to get Jack, but Charlie says he's not leaving her alone. "I might not know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out," he declares. "If I can kick drugs, I can deliver a baby." Claire looks at him like he just...I can't think of anything he could do more bizarre than admitting his drug problem while trying to talk her into letting him deliver her baby in the middle of the jungle, so let's just leave it at that. "Let me explain," Charlie continues. "I'm a drug addict." This scene is wholly unbelievable, but tremendously funny. "I was a drug addict, but I'm clean now." "Get Jack!" Claire yells, and Charlie says, "Right," and runs mauka.

Flashback. Claire's in a lawyer's office; I spent much of the scene wondering if this bit was filmed anywhere that friends of ours work, since many of my attractive lawyer wife's former co-clerks now work for Honolulu firms, in offices that I'm sure are lined with official-looking books. Across the conference table from Claire sit a nice-looking couple, the Stewarts, and at the head of the table sits an attorney, who's explaining to Claire that once she signs the papers it'll be entirely up to the Stewarts whether the baby will have any contact with Claire at all. He also tells her that upon her release from the hospital, she'll get $20,000. Wow! Can you really do that in Australia? Also, why doesn't anyone refer to the baby by its gender? It seems unlikely to me that the Stewarts would have signed up to adopt a baby without even knowing its gender. The attorney passes Claire a pen and tells her to sign; before she does, she asks Ms. Stewart if she knows the lullaby "Catch a Falling Star." "...and put it in your pocket," the adoptive mother replies. "My dad used to sing that to me when I was a little girl," Claire says. "Do you think you could sing it to the baby once in a while?" The Stewarts agree. I can tell this is a Hollywood legal proceeding, because in a real one the attorney would butt in and notify Claire that the contract does not in any way obligate the Stewarts to sing "Catch a Falling Star," or indeed any lullaby. Everyone's being very nice in this scene as Claire takes the pen and attempts to sign -- but the pen's out of ink. The lawyer gives her another, but that doesn't work either. Ms. Stewart hands her a pen, but Claire stands up, and -- to the protests of those at the table -- says she can't do this, and leaves.

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