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LuluBates: B- | 1 USERS: A-
Locke and Load

Sayid is so damn smart. He knows that Patch is not alone in the station because the horse outside is still saddled and the stirrups were set for a much smaller person. Oh, Sayid. Sigh... As they hogtie Patch, Locke wants to know why the Others would send someone to keep Patch company. Sayid flicks Locke in the forehead and points out that maybe the Others lost communication when the sky turned purple and maybe, since this is a communication hub, it would make sense to send someone along to check on things. Locke says he can't figure out where another person would be hiding, because in between games of computer chess he has managed to search every nook and cranny in the entire place. Sayid lifts the carpet, points to the giant trapdoor in the floor, and says, "Uh duh." Locke bursts into tears and goes back to his computer. Oh, Sayid!

Sayid is still shackled to the floor in Sammy's House of Pain. He is getting his face whupped by Sammy while his wife watches. Now I'm not positive, but I think I saw their adult personal ad on the back page of the Voice. The more Sayid denies knowing her, the more Sammy smacks him. Sayid says he cannot admit to something he didn't do, no matter how much he is beaten. Sammy claims Sayid forced his wife to admit to something she didn't do by pouring a pot of boiling oil over her arms. Sayid denies it some more. Sammy reaches for a pipe to finish the deed. Sammy's wife uses her safe word to stop the onslaught. Oh, the suspense! Will this be it for our loyal Sayid? Oh gosh! Oh golly!

In the cellar hidden below the trapdoor, Kate and Sayid walk around and check out the sites. Look, the entire building is wired with C4 and could blow up in a hot minute! Wow, how do you think the real estate agent sold them on that particular feature? Act now, 'cause this listing could go at any time! Kate asks why, and Sayid says he doesn't know, and honestly, Kate, why would he know that? He's new here too. Kate has not been the sharpest knife in the Ginsu ad this episode. Meanwhile Locke has decided that the prisoner can watch himself while he plays just one more game of computer chess. Has he learned nothing after blowing up the hatch? When did he turn into such a chucklehead? Sayid finds a room full of Dharma Initiative filing, including row upon row of Operations Manuals. Kate walks around with her mouth open. Upstairs, Locke finally wins the game of chess and feels so self-satisfied and proud that he actually giggles. It is a bit disconcerting, but not nearly as disconcerting as when the computer goes fuzzy and Dharma Initiative's resident mouthpiece pops up on the computer screen and states, "Manual Override Achieved. For Pallet drop, enter 24. For Satellite uplink, press 32. For Mainland Communication, enter 38." Locke enters 38. The Dharma mouthpiece tells him that the satellite is inoperable; communications are down. For sonar access, press 56. Locke presses 56. Sonar is inoperable. Has there been an incursion on this station by the Hostiles? If so, enter 77. Just as Locke is about to enter 77, Patch Adams shoves a giant bowie knife under his chin and tells him to keep quiet. Gosh, Locke, if only you had managed to keep one eye on the prisoner while you played. Chucklehead.

Kate is looking through a stack of uniforms (just like a girl -- always shopping!) when a woman ambushes her. The woman turns out to be the lady from the docks -- Mrs. Klugh. She and Kate tussle around in some hot girl-on-girl action until Sayid puts a stop to it with a firm gun to the back of the head. Kate finally gets a good look at the woman with whom she's been wrestling, and as soon as she recognizes her, she delivers one big ol' knuckle sandwich. Sayid is shocked, but Kate explains that the woman was at the docks and knows where Jack is. Sayid points the gun at Mrs. Klugh's chest and asks if there are any Others there. Mrs. Klugh says nothing but stares coolly over the barrel of the gun into Sayid's eyes. Kate and Sayid take their new prisoner upstairs and shout for Locke. Locke can't come to the phone right now, Sayid. He's a little preoccupied, what with having a gun pointed at his head and all. Hey, it's a better excuse than computer chess. Sayid pulls Mrs. Klugh outside to make with the prisoner-swapping. Patch tells him to send the girl over, red rover, red rover. Locke tells Sayid not to give up Mrs. Klugh. He says that if Patch were going to kill him he would have done it already. Everyone starts yelling at this point. I'll sum up: Sayid! Russian! Locke! Russian! Sayid! Don't let them talk! Russian! Russian! More Russian! Sayid! Russian! Russian! I'll handle this! Russian! Russian! Russian! Just do it, Mikhail! KA-BLAM! Patch has shot Mrs. Klugh. In the jungle. With a gun. Locke grabs at the gun, and Kate and Sayid rush in to back him up. Patch ends up on the ground with a gun pointed at his head, begging Sayid to finish it. Finish it! Sayid will do no such thing, Patch; you're not the boss of him.

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