Living Lohan
Mommy Will Fix It

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Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dina's Turn

Ali arrives home and listens to the demos. She says she prefers hip-hop-style music. As a resident of Waterville, Maine, Jeremy is quite the connoisseur of the urban flava, so he takes it upon himself to enlighten Ali that hip-hop influences much of today's music industry. Ali interviews that she has known Jeremy long enough (3 or 4 months, according to an earlier interview) to trust him. They rehearse the song informally. Ali sings like Lindsay, though less cigarette-addled.

The next day, or thereabouts, Alexis sets about her "morning duties," a.k.a. scouring the Internet for LiLo gossip. Alexis's search yields the now disproved sex tape with LiLo's ex-boyfriend Callum Best. Dina-saur disapproves. Commercials. Back at the scene of the grime, Dina-saur is incredulous. Ali joins in on the clucking, and they end up calling LiLo in L.A. She denies making the tape -- and for once is telling the truth. ("These aren't my pants!" -- not so much.)

Dina-saur says her struggle with the paps is like a big game of chess. She calls the blogger in question (i.e. The Queen of All Media Who Must Not Be Named) to shut this shit down, and starts into the most obviously fake conversation, bandying about diplomatic words like "false" and "proof," following them up with threats of legal action. Moreover, Dina-saur is pissed that the blogger won't identify his source. She rues that her children have to deal with the fallout from their sister's questionable actions -- though she lays more blame on the bloggers for reporting said actions, rather than on the whorebag doing them.

Outside, Cody and Jeremy bond over a game of pick-up basketball. Boring. Back inside, Dina-saur asks Jeremy to watch Ali and Cody while she goes out. Jeremy Greene -- emerging hitmaker... and babysitter! I'm sure Clive Davis and Timbaland cut their teeth this way, too.

Ali piles on some more makeup before going rock climbing with Jeremy and Cody. At the climbing wall, tweens ask for autographs. Ali interviews that she's following in LiLo's footsteps and wants to do everything exactly like her, including dress like her. May I suggest this gorgeous mink coat? Jeremy calls Ali a "rock star." Is he trying to be punny? Ironic? Ernest? Sycophantic? All of the above?

Dina-saur attends a dinner party for a former local judge. Never one to let the spotlight stray, she asks how she can get out of jury duty. They discuss, and... scene. Let me just say, I am so glad that cliffhanger has been settled so I can sleep at night.

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Living Lohan

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