Living Lohan
Mommy Will Fix It

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dina's Turn

Next we meet "Nana," Dina's mother. Even Nana has been plagued by the pap pestilence. But, I say, until her dentures show up on eBay, ain't no use whinin'. We also learn Cody doesn't like the paps either. They don't like the paps, got it?

Speaking of broken records, Dina-saur calls to set up Ali's recording session. She has partnered with the Maloof brothers, who own of The Palms Hotel in Las Vegas. And now I ask you -- When you have one daughter who's been to rehab no less than three times in the last year, and a 14-year-old who plans to follow in her foot steps, might night club owners from Sin City not be the best choice as album producers for said 14-year-old?

Finally, we officially meet Ali as she slathers on about 45 pounds of makeup. Roll montage of photo shoots, recording sessions, and run-of-the-mill fame whoring. Ali says she's really excited to record her second album (second?). She chats with Alexis about possible songs. Again, seriously? Second?! She interviews that she's not happy with the tracks her label has sent her. She listens to a JoJo-style jam from a producer named Jeremy Greene. Alexis fondly recounts the days when LiLo was launching her epic music career.

Dina-saur returns home. Ali starts to bitch about her burgeoning music career. Then we get the episode's thematic sound bite, as Dina-saur says she'll fix it, a.k.a. strong arm, step on, or generally smack down anyone who does them wrong. Nobody puts Baby Lohan in corner!

The LoHos get on the phone with Zoe Thrall, the Director of the Studio at The Palms. Ali says she only likes one song they sent her. Zoe basically gives Ali the what-for, implying that she has no vision and only likes songs that sound like hits already on the radio. The LoHos push back. The label's point: "We are smarter and more experienced than you." The LoHos' counterpoint: "Shut uuuuup!"

Dina-saur pushes for more producers, specifically Jeremy Greene. After they hang up, she advises Ali only to please herself as an artist, saying they listened to thousands of songs before settling on the tracks that made Lindsay's international smash record, Speak. And, I'm not gonna lie, I love me some "Rumors," but if that was better than thousands of other songs, then God bless us all.

A silver SUV pulls up to the LoHouse, driven by Jeremy Greene, who resembles Chad Michael Murray by way of Adam Levine. He's a douche, got it? Dina-saur reveals that Jeremy once asked her to manage his career, but she was too popular and in demand, so now she's throwing him this bone of working with catapult Ali at the start of her soon-to-be-stellar career. Jeremy plays some demos, and they discuss the stresses that recording might bring on Ali. Tellingly, Dina-saur likes one track in particular, called "Not My Fault" (which can be found on Jeremy's MySpace), with lyrics such as "It's not my fault that you're in love with me/I'm not in love with you/What am I supposed to do?"

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Living Lohan

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